


Small Things

by MsLanna



Series: Wire Universe [5]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: Republic Commando Series - Karen Traviss
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-07-22
Packaged: 2018-01-24 01:22:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 38,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1586492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsLanna/pseuds/MsLanna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Returned from the Empire with two 'traitors' Niner has enough on his mental plate already. But while trying to make up for his mistakes to Kal'buir he finds a whole new set of them. In the end he will have to make some tough decisions.<br/></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He was not trustworthy anymore. Niner understood that, though he resented the concept. But by now he had indeed lost his whole squad. It had started with Fi, and suddenly everything had deteriorated faster than he could follow. He was unable to keep Dar on track. He lost Bry and Ennen. And then he brought Rede to Kyrimorut.

Darman and Rede, both his men, both traitors in their own way. No, Niner did not resent Kal for distrusting him. He had failed Kal'buir in every way possible. He was a liability, his judgement not to be trusted. It was alright to send him on a mission under Ordo's eyes, but not on his own. And the Nulls were all very busy right now. So he was doing logistic runs with Nyreen Vollen.

The woman seemed likeable enough in her own way, motherly without the familial qualities Niner valued in Skirata so much. She was definitely not as tough as the people that usually surrounded him. For a moment he wondered where Atin and Fi were.

"Don't be so tense," Vollen admonished him. "It's not the world's end."

"Yes, ma'am." Niner tried to loosen up his muscles and at least look more at ease. She was right that it was not the end. He'd just have to prove himself again. He would not let down Skirata again. He had done that too often already.

When they had set down, Vollen shooed him out and told him to look at the sights while she refuelled and got their cargo. Niner left. Not even she trusted him enough to keep him around. It was a sobering thought.

You're jumping at shadows, he told himself. Vollen means well. She want to cheer you up. Not that she was doing a good job. He looked around. It was a spaceport like a million other in the galaxy. Small shops and businesses lined the paths around the platforms. A shopping centre with several storeys stood in the middle and since he had nothing better to do, Niner went inside.

It was crowded. The planet could not be called a hub of activity, but all its citizens seemed to congeal in this mall. They thronged in and out of the shops that lined the central court, clogged the escalators and filled the air with the din of a thousand voices. He drifted in the crowd, not caring where it took him. He had time and nothing to do.

Niner didn't know why he noticed. The noise wasn't loud or piercing. But once he heard it, it dragged him along through the crowd until he found the source. It was a girl, maybe five years old, maybe six. Age was difficult to tell when you only had a fast forward experience of it. She wore pretty turquoise trousers and a matching shirt. She also wore a most miserable expression and was hugging herself.

Her skin shone like the handle of a deecee, polished with use and her cheeks were wet with tears. The low noise came from her open mouth and there was no doubt that she was lost. It was a feeling Niner knew only too well and it was tugging at him. He knelt down. "Do you need help?"

Big eyes focussed on him, the shone like black holes, ringed by a white halo of escaping matter. "You are not my papa."

"No, I am not. Sorry." Niner didn't know what else to say. He hadn’t had much interaction with children. Admittedly there had been Kad, but the toddler was years younger than the girl.

"Have you seen my papa?" The lower lip wobbled dangerously.

"No. Do you want me to help you look for him?"

After a silence, the girl nodded silently.

"You have to help me," Niner went on. "You must tell me, when you see him. Can you see well from down there?"

She shook her head and tears flew away.

"That is not good. Would it be okay if I lift you?" Niner didn't know the procedure for this. He regretted there was no manual for humans.

"I am not supposed to talk to strangers," the girl suddenly remembered. "Papa said, always to be careful."

"Your Papa is a clever man," Niner agreed. "My name is Niner."

She looked at him from big eyes. Obviously, her own manual didn't cover situations like this as well.

"I have a friend with me," Niner said. "Her name is Nyreen. Would you rather have her help you looking for you papa?"

"Nyreen knows papa?" The tinge of hope in her voice broke Niner.

"No," he replied truthfully.

"Then you can help," the girl decided before he could say anything else. "I am Aileen. Lift me!"

Faced with such an order, Niner could only comply. She was lighter than he had expected. Still he knew his arms would tired soon. "Can you sit on my hip?"

"I can."

Niner adjusted the child with one arm. "What does you papa look like?"

"Like me," she replied.

"Right," Niner smiled. "He is three feet tall and has braids. He should be easy to find."

"No." Aileen wailed. "He is real tall, like you, only he looks like me. Not like you."

Niner resigned himself to looking fro a tall man the colour of midnight. "What does he wear?"

"At work he wears overalls," Aileen supplied dutifully. "They are dark and grey and dirty and they smell of black stuff that oozes."

Probably some kind of mechanic or technician, Niner decided. That was less than helpful in a spaceport.

"Only not today, because today he doesn't work," the girl went on.

Very helpful. He wondered if there was a place to drop off lost children. For now, Niner went towards a flight of stairs. That would give him a better view at least. "So your papa wears grey overalls only today he does not."

"Yes, because the ships get him dirty but today he does not repair ships."

It all made perfect sense to the child, that much Niner understood. "Big ships or small ships?"

"His own ships," Aileen said.

Independent logistics entrepreneur, Niner adjusted his expectations. Not that that helped much in a spaceport. He climbed a few steps and turned around. "Can you see him?"

The girl shaded her eyes with a hand and stared into the crowd. Suddenly she began to squirm in his grip. "There, there he is. Papa! Pa! Pa!" Her voice rose over the din.

A man in a blue shirt with a light grey jacked turned around. Niner tried to impress his face on his memory. Then he began to make his way through the crowd. He had only half the way ahead of him as the man had turned on his heels and came towards them.

Niner put down the girl to let her walk on her own. Her father had not looked too happy when he had seen them together. The commando couldn't even blame him.

The papa in question turned out to be a young man almost as all as Niner. He had the same black-hole eyes. Those had glinted dangerously when he spotted his daughter riding in Niner's hip. They were still afire now that Aileen was hugging his leg. His lips drew back in half a snarl, showing teeth that seemed to glow in contrast with his face.

"Aileen!"

The girl squirmed from Niner's grip who let her go gladly. "Papa!" She assaulted the glowering man.

"I am glad we have found you," Niner stayed at what he hoped was a polite distance. "If you'd excuse me now."

But he was not getting away that easy.

"Hold it right there." The voice was dark and threatening, a predator in its own right.

Niner braced and turned around again. It was difficult not to stare. The close-cropped hair lay almost invisible against the other man's skull, only a shade darker than his face. The tight curls reminded Niner of a fur coat he had once see in the debris of a ruined city. A city he had ruined, actually. For a fleeting second he wondered if the coat had been made from men. There was nothing in this galaxy that would surprise him.

"Papa, that is Niner," Aileen crowed from her father's side. "He found you."

"Indeed." He still seemed unimpressed.

"I apologise if I overstepped my bounds," Niner said. "She was crying and I -" he didn't know how to go on. How did you explain something like that, something that irrational and irresistible?

"Do you have a last name, Niner?"

"Skirata." Niner considered lying about that for safety reasons but decided against it. He couldn't really tell why.

"Never heard that before."

"I'm not from around here."

Aileen's father looked thoughtful for a moment. "I am Jalen Tavers. And I am from around here." He held out a hand.

Niner accepted it. It felt surprisingly foreign in his own, warm, firm but not like that of his brothers. Not like that of another clone. He tried to smile and remember the correct words. "Pleased to meet you."

"So am I," Tavers replied. "And I should probably thank you for returning my daughter."

Niner shook his head. "Nothing to thank me for. Anybody would have done the same." It did not occur to him that he had found Aileen in a crowd of people doing nothing about it.

"Maybe," her father conceded. "What brings you here?"

"Pit stop," Niner said. He didn't think Kal would approve if he gave away details. He shrugged apologetically.

"No chance to run into you here again then, is there?"

"I, well." Niner stopped short. There were a few shades of possible meaning too many in it for him. "Probably not, no." He smiled at Aileen. "You will have to take better care from now on, right?"

"I will," she announced. "I will not get lost again.

"Good. Your papa will only worry if you do."

Aileen gave him a serious look. "He will always find me."

Niner shot a glance at the dark eyes that were fixed on him with the power of an interdiction field. "I believe you."

There was something tugging at him when he watched their fingers intertwine. It looked unbreakable.

"Is there something I can do for you in return?" Tavers inquired. "Caf? Drink?"

"No. I – no. Thank you." Niner stood unsure what to do. The crowd eddied around them and he had the distinct feeling that they were standing here looking at each other for too long.

"If you say so." A smile flashed across Taver's face like a sudden moonrise. "Still, should you be around again," he slapped a card into Niner's hand, "drop by."

"Thank you." He took the card automatically. "I will. Thank you."

He still stood blinking into the crowd when father and daughter had vanished for a while. As expected, the card held the contact information for a small logistics business. _Tavers &Tavers_, it read, _we'll get you anywhere._

Niner pocketed the card and turned back to the ship. Vollen had had enough time to get everything ready. And if she hadn’t, it was high time for him to be useful again. He'd get things right. He had made a start, he could that keep up.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Niner?"_

_"Yes, Mereel?"_

_"You will have to drop that dress shirt, and the tie. Come to think of it, drop the whole suit. You look like Black Sun come to collect protection money."_

_"But Kal said I need to look serious, businesslike." Niner untangled the tie again, not all unhappy to see it go._

_"You are a well-to-do, independent relocation professional," Mereel explained. "Those don't walk around in black suits. You need something more leisurely snappy. More like this."_

 

 

So this was it. A simple short-sleeved shirt of some mottled blue-grey colour, dark trousers and jacket. He didn't get to wear boots either. The black shoes were shiny, but offered almost no protection for his feet.

Niner wondered how people stood it. They walked through their lives completely unprotected. He wondered if they thought about it. also wondered if Tavers would wonder about his sudden change on f´clothes. If it had been up to him, Niner would have done the job in jumpsuits and boots, plates invisible under both. But it was too late for that.

This was not how Niner had things expected things to go, though. He tugged on the collar of his shirt, finding it decidedly too tight. The whole outfit felt unsafe. The lack of any armour in itself was a clear sign of its inferiority. But he's have to trust Mereel's judgement in this. The Null ARC had a lot of experience working in civvie environments.

He could already see the big letters announcing he could acquire the services of Tavers&Tavers in the office ahead. It was moderate, not flashy and looked like any down-to-earth business he had ever seen. Somehow Niner didn't know how he felt about being here again. On the one hand it might be nice to meet Jalen Tavers again and possibly his impossibly adorable daughter. On the other hand getting involved with clan Skirata was not the safest thing a man could do, especially if he had a family to take care of.

But that was not his problem. Niner tried to believe it. It was just a simple job, for him as well as for Tavers. No danger involved but that of disappointing Kal'buir again. That was the final straw. Kal had done so much for them already. It was high time Niner began to do his bit to return some of it. Making up his mind, Niner strode towards the doors and through them.

"Niner!" Jalen Tavers' face lit up when he saw the clone walking into the office. He got up to shake his visitor's hand.

Soft, that was it, Niner thought. In comparison with everybody else he knew, Tavers' hand definitely qualified as soft.

"Had a change of mind and a change of clothes?" Tavers asked giving him a onceover, still smiling.

"Kind of," Niner replied, feeling exposed in his lack of armour and the scrutiny Tavers gave him smile or no. When he realised that they were still more or less shaking hands, he extracted his, hoping to be tactful about it. "Last time I visited Centares it was really but a pit stop. This time I am looking to sub-contract."

"Business, huh?" The bright smile took on a different quality. "Have a seat. Can I offer you something to drink?" When Niner declined the entrepreneur went on without missing a beat. "Let's hear it."

This was the part Niner was wary of. Though he had rehearsed his background thoroughly there was no guarantee that he didn't let a wrong word slip and blew it all. His record at getting things right had worn very thin lately.

"I am working on relocations," he began.

"Goods or people?" Tavers threw in immediately.

"Both, actually." Niner gathered his story together again. "Whole companies if necessary. It doesn't matter if you want to move locally, planetary or interplanetary, though my focus is on the last." He produced a calling card that had been designed for him with his made-up background. It had a flashy holo-logo and declared his business to be ManTrans. A pun on Mandalore most likely, hidden in plain view. Trust Mereel to come up with something like that.

Tavers took the card and studied it for a moment. The he turned his dark eyes back onto Niner. "And where do I come in?"

Niner sighed. "Let's just say I bit off more than I can chew with the last customer. It's huge, people, goods, parts of buildings, everything."

"And it pays well enough to subcontract?" Tavers didn't sound convinced.

"Well," Niner hesitated. "If I manage to pull this one off, there will be follow-up contracts."

"Ah." The smile returned to Tavers face. It never seemed to leave for long. "That kind of contract."

"It's ambitious," Niner agreed, "but nothing that can't be done. I'll be handling all the people, so you're don't have to worry about that. I mainly need ships, storage and manpower."

"That I might have." Tavers crossed his arms before him, never stopping to smile.

Niner knew that shouldn't distract him as much as it did. He pushed a datacard across the desk. "Details. There may be more work later. Please take not of the tight schedule."

Long, dark fingers picked up the datacard, playing with it for a moment. If Tavers noted how Niner watched that as if in trance, he didn't show. "When do you need an answer?"

"As soon as you can feasibly give one," the clone replied.

Tavers nodded. "Give me a moment to browse the data." When the black eyes focussed on the displayed data, Niner didn't quite know what to do with himself. His first impulse was to 'shut down' and just wait until he was needed again, but he thought that might be considered impolite. So he watched the face of his sub-contractor to be as the other man skipped over the information.

What if he didn't take the job? It was attractive enough, Kal had assured him. But what if he botched it up nevertheless? Niner didn't want to think abut it. So he just hoped fervently that Tavers would like what he saw. It was not as if he had somebody else who could do that job.

On the other side there were a lot of men ready and capable to do his. It was an uneasy thought but Kal's extraction network worked. A squad of Bralor's men had already used it, a broken squad of some Death Watch sergeant of all people, though Niner had no idea how that had come to pass. Even Delta seemed to consider the option. Not to mention that Atin and Fi had adapted splendidly to Mandalorian life. Only Darman was still out there somewhere. Niner heaved a sigh.

"That bad?"

He had forgotten, he was still in the office of Tavers&Tavers Logistics with one of the aforementioned browsing through his data. Niner tried to shake the lingering thoughts of Darman away. Darman who ran for it. Darman who had hauled jets with his son. Darman who had abandoned his brothers. The thoughts didn't let go easily.

"Nothing you need to worry about," he told Tavers and put on a smile.

"I hope so. You look positively devastated."

The easy smile was a stark contrast to the work it cost Niner to keep up his own. "So, what do you think?" He returned the conversation to safer ground.

"Actually it looks quite good, my friend." Tavers closed the files. "I can show you the fleet and tell you what I can offer. Then you decide if it's good enough."

"Copy that," Niner said without thinking. Assessing ships was more down his alley than deceiving civvies and all that business talk. Kal had given him clear limits to the negotiations though, so that was firm ground. He could not let Kal'buir down again.

"So," Tavers said, putting a companionable hand on Niner's shoulder as he led the out of the office. "Any special reasons why you chose my business over the others?"

"I had your card."

The soft laughter sounded closer than Niner had expected. "Honest and straightforward. I like that."

"It's certainly easier to work with," Niner agreed, hoping he didn't show how uncomfortable he really was. Honesty, indeed! Mereel would be laughing.

"Message received," the other man said, tapping his shoulder lightly. "We should get along quite well."

Niner simply nodded. It was probably wrong to lie to Tavers like that. The man was quite agreeable and probably deserved better. But a job was a job and Kal'buir needed him. He could not let him down again. Ever.

"How is Aileen," he asked to change the topic.

"Great, though with the usual drawbacks of her age."

"Which would be?" At least in that respect Niner felt no qualms to show his utter ignorance.

"She wants a pony." Tavers frowned.

"So?"

"Niner, my friend, Aileen and I live in a respectable flat in a respectable neighbourhood. There is no space for a pony." As he said it Tavers laughed again. "I should not complain too much though. She started out wanting a bantha."

Niner still was not sure where the problem was. Kal would buy a whole stable if anybody spoke up and he wouldn't be surprised if the old mercenary wouldn't find a way to house even banthas if necessary. "You don't plan to move, do you?"

"No," Tavers still chuckled. "It's a good neighbourhood; Aileen can even go to school on her own. No, we're not going to move anywhere just so she can get a pony. What if she changes her mind again and suddenly wants a Rancor?"

"You'd need a handler for one of those," Niner said unthinking.

"Indeed," Tavers agreed. "You don't happen to know any?"

It was obviously a joke. Still Niner found himself running through a list of people possibly qualified for the job.

"You're not serious! Come on Niner, tell me you _are_ joking"

"Of course." Niner even managed to smile. "How do you find people able to do that even?"

"I hear the Hutts have some sometimes," Tavers said. "Not that I want anything to do with any of them. They're bad for business. Too much trouble with the law in the long run."

"I am sure," Niner agreed. The only Hutt he had ever had dealings with, if second hand, was Qibbu. The giant slug had seemed compliant enough, but he had know how nit had come to that. It was not his idea of a reliable partnership.

"Have you ever tried?"

"Not personally, no," Niner considered what to say. In the end he decided not to say anything. Instead he just followed Tavers into another room.

"So, here's the flotilla as it is. Or mostly. There's three Simiyiar class freighters out currently, but they will be back within a ten-night."

The fleet was displayed on a smooth tabletop, though not as the clone had expected in holograms. Small plastic ships were scattered in an invisible pattern, their positions and employments projected next to them on the dark surface. Picking up one of the miniatures, the clone noted it also looked slightly chewed on.

"I found that clients can work things out better if you give them something tangible," Tavers explained. "Megatons and cubic metres tend to mean little to most people."

Scrutinising the little freighter in his hand gave Niner an excuse not to look at the other man who seemed completely at ease, radiating confidence. He raked a fingernail across the small indentures in the plastic.

"Well," Tavers wouldn't have any of those evasive manoeuvres and deftly picked the ship from Niner's hands. The contact seemed to last longer than felt strictly necessary, but Niner was the first to admit he didn't have much material for comparison.

"If it helps you," Tavers went on, "you can also chew on them. Though that right had so far been reserved for Aileen."

That did explain the bite marks. Though Niner thought the girl well beyond that age by now. How did growing up even work under normal circumstances? "I think I am more at home with megatons," he said.

"Let's get to those, then." The logistics entrepreneur scooped together a group of miniatures. "Your goods are somewhat scattered, but we can save time by using pre-customs-controlled units. Here, that's the route I would suggest."

Niner watched the long fingers as they danced over the surface and lights sprang to life around them, bathing the dark skin in multicoloured highlights. He almost missed his cue. Mereel would certainly have been the better choice for this job. But the Null ARC was already pinned down with work, work a lot more important than this. And Corr – somehow the idea of leaving this to Corr rubbed Niner the wrong way. He'd just have to get his wits together. And keep them.

How difficult could that be? Niner flashed a smile at Tavers who was highlighting a row of possible transfer points. The other man returned it with suspicious intensity.


	3. Chapter 3

_"He's clean, Niner, no doubt about that." Jaing dropped a datacard into his palm. "We checked everything and everything checks out. He's not even trying to hide anything. Bes'ika had a very close look at his tax data."_

_"Thank you, Jaing." Niner still felt uneasy about Jalen Tavers but it was nothing he could put a finger on. Now it was at least clear that the man had no ties whatsoever to the Empire; Black Sun, Huttese cartels or anybody even slightly suspicious. Tavers was exactly what he claimed to be: a logistics entrepreneur._

_"You worry too much, ner vod." Jaing clapped a hand down over Niner's shoulder. "Tavers &Tavers is perfect."_

_That was another thing that worried Niner. Perfect for what? "I'll go and fix the contracts then," he said aloud._

_"Do that," Jaing replied. "All accounts are set up and ready, only waiting for you."_

_It was probably not meant as a rebuke, but Niner couldn't help but feeling he was once again slacking. He was being too slow. He shouldn't have asked for, and waited for the results of, the background check of a man who was perfectly ordinary._

 

 

"It's good to see you again." Tavers caught his hand in a tight grip and didn't let go for longer than absolutely necessary. Niner was certain of that. It was not making sense, though.

"It's good to be back." He smiled. "I apologise for the delay. There was some urgent business I had to attend to."

"Some screw up at work?"

Niner was not sure if Tavers needed to have his hand on his shoulder to lead him to his chair. It seemed to burn right through the thin cloth of his shirt. "No, family." Niner decided to lie as little as possible. It would make it easier to navigate his own story. It also felt fairer towards the other man.

"Yes," Tavers agreed. "That can't wait. I take it you brought the contracts? Can I offer you something to drink this time?"

Niner was thinking furiously. It was good manners to accept. But it did not feel safe. But if he didn't, he might raise suspicion. Only he hadn’t accepted anything last time so changing his mind might just as well raise suspicion. How was civilian life so complicated?"Do you have sodas?" he finally asked.

"Got something of a sweet tooth, hm?"

Tavers didn't look insulted which Niner counted as a success. He looked slightly amused which Niner was not sure as what to count. He shrugged non-committally.

"It's fine, my friend." Tavers said it as if he meant it. "I keep a private supply for Aileen. Even if she isn't around that often any more."

"You miss her."

Tavers turned to look at him strangely. Then he shrugged as well, producing a small bottle of soda from a fridge. "I guess," he said as he opened the bottle. "She might have been disruptive to the smooth running of my business now and then," he handed Niner the soda, "but just having her around, seeing her grow up and-," he smiled wistfully, "yeah, I guess I miss it."

Niner felt very watched as the dark eyes lay on him, gazing with an intention as if Tavers expected some kind of revelation from him. He tried to think of something else. The soda was cold, sweet and only slightly fizzy. It gave Niner something to focus on.

After a few moments Tavers relented and punched the datacard into his reader. The contracts were ready, containing Niner's thumbprint signature already. Or what would pass for that. It was difficult to have a unique signature in your fingerprint when it was a print shared by millions of others.

He looked around as the other man read through the clauses carefully. He would have done the same so he couldn't blame Tavers. It was a dirty galaxy. The office seemed unchanged. There were charts on the walls, a map of the galaxy, the door to the adjoining room with the miniatures. But now that he actually thought to look around, it became clear to Niner that it was the office of a father.

There was a scrawly drawing pinned up beneath some of the charts. A holo of Aileen was shimmering discreetly in the top of the desk. A sheaf of papers and coloured pencils lay stacked next to magazines about freighters and logistic systems. Niner's eyes wandered back to Tavers.

The other still had his eyes fixed on the displayed contract, a look of concentration on his face. But it wasn't the look of somebody having problems with the presented material. Tavers was simply making sure he did not overlook important details. It was a business approach Niner respected. Being thorough gave you an important advantage. Not that it had become any easier doing that in the clan than it had been in the army, either army.

But he would do his best. _Kal'buir_ relied on him. The whole clan relied on him. If he was reliable enough, maybe Dar would return to relying on him again as well. It was all just a matter of time. And that would work out in the end as well. His mind wandered to Qail and Tera working their _shebs_ off in the lab with Mereel. They would make it. Like trust bioengineering just took time.

"I can see you plan to push the timber to an earlier date," Tavers said when he finished reading. "If you want, I could probably arrange an even earlier transport."

"I will have to clear that," Niner replied. "How soon, though?"

Tavers leaned slightly to a side to open documents on the display inset into his desk. "If we decide quickly, what about tomorrow?"

Niner thought about the move ahead and it's ever-shifting timetable. "Let me check on that." He looked around.

Tavers got up, wearing a most accommodating smile. "'Ill be over at the miniatures. Please join me when you finished."

Niner found himself watching the retreating back. He could see the muscles move under the ochre shirt. It contrasted nicely with the dark skin and pale trousers. Then he remembered to call A'den.

"Tomorrow, you say?" The Null ARC was calculating without having to consult any other sources. All he needed was stored in his mind. Niner found it fascinating to watch. "The dry walling should be done by then. I will tell Prudii to make some space."

"I can reschedule," Niner offered immediately. "We can have it arrive later. It's no problem."

"It's fine," A'den repeated. "The travel time should be around 12 hours that gives us more than enough time. We can speed up the rest of the schedule accordingly. Good work, actually."

"Consider it done then." Niner felt relief when the sudden changes were accepted. On the one hand he didn't want to disturb the plans but on the other he also wanted to accept Tavers graceful offer. In combination, it didn't make sense. He put away the comm and took another swallow of the soda.

When he reached Tavers in the other room, he got the feeling his approach had been watched somehow. Maybe it was just the way Tavers leant against the display of his fleet, leisurely twirling a small ship between his fingers. Another of those bright smiles on his face.

As soon as Niner entered, Tavers pushed himself off the table and put the miniature down. "This is the status right now. And here," he indicated a group of vessels with one hand, "are the ships currently free." Light sprang into light around some of the ships. "As you can see, several of them are bound for Centares right now." The ships danced through slow curves on the tabletop, coming to a halt at new destinations. "And this is how things will look this evening."

A few of the ships had turned up at Centares, showing up as empty. "I see." Niner thought furiously for a while, wishing his memory was better. "Two of them should be enough for the timber. But if you could reroute the others to Saruwen and Banvhar Station to pick up the good there already?"

"Not a problem." Tavers typed something into the display and the ships moved around again. "Ready to load within 24. Would that be okay for you?"

Niner found himself smiling. "Perfectly okay."

"If you wait for a bit, you can accompany the first freighters to Ossel II;" Tavers suggested. "That is, if you want to oversee the loading of the Syp woods there."

It had not been an explicit order, but Niner felt he had to take the whole mission under his personal scrutiny. No matter what _Kal'buir_ said about it, he still felt on trail. He just hoped the feeling would go away again one day.

"That is a good idea," he agreed. There was not much to do before the ships arrived anyway. "Can you recommend a place where I can wait?"

"What about mine?" Tavers smiled.

"What would I do there?" It didn't even occur to Niner to wonder if that was standard procedure in customer care.

"Oh, drop by, say 'hi' to Aileen," Tavers suggested. "She's still talking about you, you know? Her knight in shining armour."

"Well, I don't know," Niner hedged. There was something about this he did not quite understand, but it made him uneasy. It probably had nothing to do with the patient smile accosting him consistently. "Why destroy her illusion?"

Tavers gave him a strange look. "You don't have to wear armour for real. You know that, right?"

With a pang Niner realised that he'd actually prefer that. Armour was safe. Within its protection he knew what to do and how to act. Not that his new set was anything close to shiny. Maybe he would talk to Kal about that. It occurred to him that he could never show it to Aileen anyway. "If you say so," he replied. "My armour is far from shiny anyway."

"What did you do with it?" Tavers inquired, taking the exchange for a joke.

It hurt Niner, though it was definitely safer for everybody involved and the right thing to do. "The usual: slaying dragons, killing villains, rescuing princesses. Things get dirty."

"Then you need somebody to clean up after you."

"Do you volunteer?"

It took Tavers a moment to reply to that. "Oh, I'll let you know in time. No use spoiling the surprise."

Niner didn't have the heart to tell him how much he despised surprises. Instead he agreed because it seemed to be the easiest option. Still he found it very difficult to deny the appeal that seeing Aileen again held. The tall man striding along next to him, holding up an easy conversation and brushing against his arm now and then had nothing to do with it. Nothing at all.

 

* * *

 

Tavers lived in a suburb of orderly, single-storey houses. Softly slanted roofs of light grey tiles topped houses built from ochre-golden bricks. There was not enough space for a pony in the well-kept gardens. Niner looked around carefully and found the light bushes and flowerbeds to offer meagre cover in this strategically lacking environment.

"Papa!" Aileen bounced down the steps of the front porch at her father.

Tavers picked her up easily and swung her around. "How is my little girl?" He pressed a kiss onto her cheek. "Look who I found," he announced securing the child on his hip. "Do you remember him?"

"Niner!" The girl reached towards the clone with both hands.

Unsure what else to do, Niner held out his and somehow they transferred the girl from her father's grip to his without mishap. "Hello Aileen. How are you?" It was strange to have her at eye level.

"Good," she replied, putting a thin arm around his neck. "I was not lost again."

"That's great." Somehow Niner wished that Tavers would save him though it was also nice to lug the girl around a bit like that. "I'm sure your papa is glad about that."

"He is," Tavers agreed. "Though he'd also be glad to get inside and some dinner. If you don't put her down, my friend, she will make you carry her that way all day long.

Niner didn't think he'd mind. Aileen had begun to relate her whole life since they last met. It was awkward but comfortable. "I don't mind," he smiled listening to her voice with one ear. "If that's okay with you," he added hastily.

"Not my muscles that will kill me tomorrow," Tavers replied easily and led the way inside. "And you are a grown man. So I trust you can make your own decisions."

With a smile Niner turned his attention to Aileen who was clinging to him with one hand and demonstrating something with the other. "I'm afraid I have no idea who or what Orko is. You will have to explain it to me."

To his surprise, Aileen wriggled out of his grip. As soon as he had set her down on the floor, she ran into the back of the house.

Her father shook his head as he closed the door behind them. "Now you have signed you own death warrant, my friend." His smile was amused, though.

"Why?"

"Oh, I am not going to spoil that for you." Tavers showed him into a room, or at least he tried to.

Niner stood rooted in the door of the living room that was joined to the kitchen. There was a woman standing in the kitchen area, looking up at their entrance and smiling. She was like a perfect female version of Tavers, her cheekbones high, the lips full and her eyes accosting him like dark matter. He stared.

"Ah, yes," Tavers cut in immediately. "Let me introduce you. Niner, this is Shaleea, my sister. Shaleea, meet Niner."

It was the word 'sister' that finally reached Niner's brain. It twisted around in his gut unexpectedly and also in a way he did not know how to feel about. Still, a tension he hadn't noticed seeping into him when he saw Shaleea was uncurling. He extended a hand. "How do you do?"

"How do you do," she laughed and turned to her brother. "Oh, Jalen! What have you dragged home now?" She took the offered hand in both of hers, shaking it warmly. "Welcome, Niner. Pleased to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine, ma'am," Niner replied. "I'm sorry if I'm coming at a bad time, ma'am."

"Oh Aren't you a polite one!" Her smile broadened and turned out to be a bright as that of her brother. "I can see why he likes you. And don't worry. There will be enough for all of us." She patted his hand before she let go.

Niner looked from her to Tavers and felt the touch on his skin like butterfly wings, something more or less similar to what his stomach was gearing up to flutter like. Especially when he was not looking at Shaleea.

"I might have called ahead." Tavers shrugged apologetically but with an insolent grin.

Before the situation could escalate, though Niner was not all sure how, Aileen returned in a run, dragging a small pad and an orange something along. She latched on to him with determination.

Niner cast a questioning look at Tavers who seemed to have the time of his life, chuckling to himself and motioned him on.

 

* * *

 

When it was time for dinner, Niner felt, he knew everything there was to know about Orko the orange Ormi, whose sole purpose seemed to be to educate children in some basic skills. Aileen did not want to go and wash her hands, though, obviously feeling that her education of Niner was incomplete. Though he could understand the feeling just too well, Niner was happy when Tavers convinced her to go with him. Tavers was still grinning when he towed his daughter away.

That constant grin started to unsettle Niner. There was no reason for Tavers to be so permanently happy. Staring at the water running over his hands, the clone wondered for a moment how the droplets would look on skin as dark as that of Tavers. It was a distracting thought and he returned to the living room quickly.

He arrived before the other two and watched Shaleea putting the last of the dishes onto the table. It looked like a veritable feast to him. The salad was a riot of colours on a green background, vegetables and roots had found their way into different sauces and roast nerf had been sliced thinly and wrapped around what looked to be a braid of fruit and vegetable.

"You get along well with Aileen," Shaleea said.

"She's a good child," Niner replied.

"Do you have much experience with kids?" Shaleea motioned him to sit down and started to pour water into glasses.

"No." Niner was surprised to find himself regretting that.

"In that case you are a natural."

"I guess I just like them." Looking at his interactions with Kad, which he definitely enjoyed but was not sure about, Niner was reluctant to accept her judgement as much as he would have liked to.

Shaleea gave him a mysterious smile he was unable to read.

At that moment Aileen returned with Tavers in tow. Niner watched as the man let himself be pulled around by his daughter, visibly happy with his life. When Aileen wanted to educate the clone further on Orko during dinner, he put down his foot though. "I think Niner has learnt enough for a day."

Niner felt inclined to agree. And though the table conversation was still circling around topics important to Aileen a lot, the clone found it entertaining. The small group seemed to be a family as much as anybody back in Kyrimorut. And more often than not, Niner found his gaze resting on Jalen. A gaze that was returned more often than not, and returned with a smile warm enough to melt.

As much as Niner enjoyed the attention, he could not shake the feeling that it was intended for another person. He also felt that it was rude to not pay more attention to Shaleea. On the other hand he got the impression that she took care to keep Aileen out of their conversation. The girl had fortunately soon forgotten about Niner's deplorable lack of knowledge about Orko.

Despite everything, Niner felt strangely at ease. He had to be careful what he was telling Tavers, but the other seemed to understand his reluctant somehow and kept the private questions light, telling more about himself and Aileen. Niner felt he was thoroughly enjoying the experience, right down to the strong, bitter caf at the end that still had the grounds at the bottom of the tiny cup.

He was reluctant to leave and Tavers seemed in no hurry to return him to the spaceport. But finally he said goodbye which was easier with Shaleea than Aileen. The girl kept asking when he would be back and if he would watch the next instalment of Orko tomorrow with her and could he bring a pony the next time he came? Niner would have liked nothing better, but a glance from Tavers reminded him of the no-pony policy. Finally he managed to tear himself away from the girl.

Tavers was driving him back to the spaceport himself. Niner was getting suspicions, but couldn't voice any of them. It was too vague and Jaing had been certain that Tavers was clean. He looked over shi shoulder and waved back at the girl standing in the drive way.

"Her mother must be proud of her." He was not quite sure why he asked. It was none of his business.

"Yes." It was the first time that Tavers seemed uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry. I have no right to pry into your private life."

"It's okay. It's just," Tavers shrugged, "her mother died two years ago. Sometimes it is not easy."

"I am sorry. I didn't know." Niner felt that he would have been off better keeping his mouth shut.

"Of course you didn't. You did not kill her." Tavers seemed bent on making light of his discomfort.

"No. I don't think so." Caught up in his own regret, Niner did not think before he replied.

"You have killed people?" The grin returned to Tavers' face who took that for another of Niner's unique jokes.

Unhappy, but unable to do anything else, the clone picked up on that. "Knight, armour, remember?"

"Ah, I almost forgot. But I can assure you that Kajica was not a dragon at all."

"I believe you." Niner wanted to elaborate on that but found everything he could think of rather cheesy and a tad unbelievable. So he said nothing and let Tavers pick up the conversation again. It seemed impossible to tick him off for longer.

"My friend," Tavers said, when they finally reached the clone's ship and putting his hand on Niner's shoulder again. "Now that you had dinner with the family, I think you should call me Jalen."

"Alright," Niner replied somewhat unsure what else to do. "Jalen."

"Now that didn't hurt, did it?" Tavers punched him friendly in the arm.

Niner had to agree, though it had some _some_ thing to him somehow. He found it difficult to reciprocate the easygoing behaviour of the other man. Putting his own hand on his shoulder felt proprietorial in a way that made him acutely uneasy. The fact that Tavers didn't seem to mind the least, did not make that any better.

"I should return the favour one day. The dinner, I mean," Niner added hastily, realising that Tavers had been calling him by his first name from day one.

"I'd love to." The megawatt smile gained a few notches upwards. "What can I anticipate?"

Niner shrugged non-committally. "Mostly brothers."

"All as strapping as you are?"

"Yes." It was not even a lie, Niner thought, still trying to read the wink he had been given. He hated having to lie.

"I'm looking forward to that!" Tavers' long fingers descended on his hand and they managed to take it from there to a hearty handshake without embarrassing incidents.

When the ramp had closed behind Niner, he took a moment to really, really regret deeply that he had to lie to the man. He took a few more to regret that he really, really wished the dinner with the clan would happen one day. But the image of Tavers among his brothers and _Kal'buir_ was as appealing as it was upsetting.

Niner shook his head. He had no time to waste on ideas like that. It worried him, though, that the images of the clan were easier to clear from his mind than those of a smiling Jalen.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_How does it look?"_

_"Good." Niner leant back against the bulkhead, his voice echoing in the maze of halls and corridors. "As big as promised, lots of manoeuvring space and an extra door."_

_"Sounds good indeed." Ordo's voice is flat over the long distance. "I'll put Jaing on the trail and paperwork."_

_"There's a tiny drift." Niner couldn't help feeling guilty about it. Nothing he did seemed to work out quite as perfect as he was used to any longer. "I'll give you he vector and velocity."_

_"Nice," Jaing cut into the channel, turning the word into several syllables. "We an utilise that. Mind doing the prep, Niner? Kit will start arriving in four."_

_Niner looked down the dimly lit corridor. The glow panels were reacting to the lack of movement by slowly going out. Soon they'd all be off. "Send me the instructions." What else did he have to do anyway? "You did get all the blueprints?"_

_"We have all that and more," Jaing confirmed. "You'll hear from me." With that he disconnected, leaving only Ordo on the other end of the comm._

_"Anything I can do until the first load arrives?" Niner asked._

_"Nothing I can think of right now," Ordo replied. "But I'll keep you posted. Maybe you can contact Tavers and see how fast he can move things and maybe make him a little faster."_

_"Will do."_

_"Thanks, vod." The connection was closed._

_Niner stood alone in the dark. Somehow he didn't feel like calling Tavers, even though the idea put an involuntary smile on his face. Tavers was complicated and he hadn't quite found out why yet. In the silent maze of storage space, Niner was not sure he'd like the answer to that._

 

"One of the freighter pilots cancelled and I stepped up." Tavers didn't seem inconvenienced. "Happens much more often than it should, come to think of it. But I can do most of my administration from any terminal so I'm doing fine." In deed he did not look unhappy at all.

"Is Aileen with you?" Niner wanted to know.

"No. She still has to go to school. Shaleea is taking care of her."

Niner's face fell a little. "I didn't think of that."

"My friend, I might just get the feeling you care about her a lot more than about me.

Though he said it with a smile and a wink, Niner got the feeling that this was a bad thing somehow. "It's different," he assured hastily.

"I should hope so." Jalen turned businesslike. "I hope everything is to you liking?"

It took Niner a moment to switch gears. Though the reply would not have been a lie on a more personal level either. The thought was more difficult to push away than it should have been. "Yes, everything is great. It works out better than I had hoped. The second access hangar is making all the difference. The transition times are halved."

His smile was genuine, even trying to think only of the steady stream of goods moving through the storage system. The trail for most of them would get completely wiped or confused. It was a perfect location from which to reroute the great amount of material _Kal'buir_ was moving to Mandalore.

"I'm glad to hear it," Jalen turned the smile back on. "I hear you bring your own people for some of the work?"

"Sometimes." It was a little painful to admit, Niner was not sure why. "Nothing against your crew," he assured Tavers hastily. "But some of the goods are highly personal or volatile. My customer insists that I handle them personally."

"They must trust you very much."

Niner winced involuntarily. The issue of Kal's trust was still raw for him. "So it would seem." He did not dare claim anything stronger.

"Don't sell yourself short, Niner. I can see only half of what you manage, and that's impressive already."

Niner volunteered a smile. Jalen was actually seeing everything he did. Anything not necessarily handled by him or his sub-contractor was run by Ordo and Jaing. Of course it was impressive.

"Whenever you do this, I wonder what is going on in this pretty head of yours." A long finger was tapping against Niner's temple.

"Doing what?"

"Your thinking face. You know, when you turn all serious as if the fate of the galaxy rested on your shoulders? Don't tell me you didn't notice."

"I did not," Niner admitted. "Probably everybody has one. You have one."

"I do?" There was a glint in the dark eyes resting heavily on Niner. "How would you know?"

"I watched you. When you work out the troubles I call you about." It hadn't seemed like a big thing, but the way Jalen looked at him made Niner reconsider. Maybe he should have kept his mouth shut.

"And here I was beginning to think you never watch anything."

"I didn't mean to imply-"

"That would be a pity though, wouldn't it?"

Niner took a deep breath and let the air out slowly. Before he could change the subject with the usual abruptness he could not get rid off with Jalen, his wrist comm beeped. "Sorry," he glanced at the man walking beside him. "I have to get that. Family."

"Go ahead."

Niner took a few more steps before activating the link. To his surprise it was Vau at the other end.

"Su'cuy, Niner," he said. "Thought you might be off better with a face not quite as similar to yours."

"Yes, good thinking. I am not actually alone." It bothered Niner a little that he could not glance at Jalen via his HUD, his line of sight invisible from the outside.

"That's fine. He your sub-contractor?"

"Yes, Jalen Tavers. You want to speak to him too?"

"No. I'm just calling to tell you we need you back her for a bit." Vau offered no explanation.

Niner didn't expect one. If there was anything he needed to know, Vau would have told him. He nodded. "I'm on my way."

"It's not Darman. Sorry."

Niner nodded again and cut the connection. Vau was a vicious bastard, but lately he had stared to show human behaviour. Now and then. Pointed at Tera mostly for no reasons anybody could fathom. Another of those need-to-know things. There was much he didn't need to know. He tried not to feel so bad about it. He failed.

"Niner, my friends, you look horrible." Despite his smile, Jalen managed to look reassuring and sympathetic. How many smiles did that man have? And how could he wonder about that now, when he should be on his way back home.

"I am not sure how bad. But I have to go. Sorry."

"It's family, I understand." Jalen patted his shoulder. It was reassuring, Niner had to admit. It really felt quite nice. "Just let's make an appointment before you rush off again. You are horribly bad at that, my friend."

"Am I? I am sorry."

"You are also apologising a lot for such a competent man." The hand tightened around his shoulder. "Where's your ship? We'll work things out on the way."

Niner began to lead the way. "We can really do most of the stuff over the comms," he tried to make up for his lack of appointments. "I am away on business so much, it might just be easier."

"And deprive me of the pleasure of your company. You would do that, would you?"

It took Niner a moment to take that apart into pieces that at least seemed to make sense. "If you prefer to meet in person, that's fine. I'll just have to look at my schedule."

"And here I was thinking you'd _make_ time for me."

Niner let a laugh slip. "If there is one thing I surely cannot create, Jalen, my friend, it is time. But don't I wish!"

"Don't we all?"

"You do?" Niner had never given it any thought. Normal people had so much time. They squandered it with so much nonsense. How could they not be aware of their wealth? And then wish for even more time? "But you have decades ahead."

"And you do not?" Jalen made it sound like a joke. Still it cut Niner because he hadn't. And he couldn't tell the other that he hadn't. And he'd have to make light of the one thing that weighed him down like no other.

"It doesn't feel like it," he tried not to lie straight away. It was more and more difficult to lie to Jalen. Niner hoped he would never have to tell him the truth about himself. It was becoming harder, thought because that meant he'd never see the other again after the operation. How double-edged life was once you left the clear tracks of the army.

"Obviously we'll have to spend as much of it doing pleasant things then."

The logic was sound. But he could not really fathom how it related to not doing business over comm and save time. "Can you tell me something though." Niner stopped at the side of his ship and lowered the ramp.

"I'll do my best." Jalen smiled. He always did. It was part of the problem.

Niner decided to just put his finger on, or possibly his foot into it. "What is it you are doing?"

The usually smooth brow furrowed. "I assume you do not mean for a living as you know that."

"No, I mean, Niner ran a hand through his hair, holding the closed fist between them. "Your words. Sometimes they are not saying all they should. I know you try to tell me something.

Jalen's face turned into a study of disbelief. "What I am trying to say? You are asking me that?"

"I am sorry if it's impolite," Niner tried to back-pedal.

"No, not impolite. Just unexpected." Jalen shook his head.

"Niner, my friend," Jalen said it in a tone that indicated a very special kind of friendship, "I have been hitting on you hard since the moment you strolled into my office."

"I didn't notice."

"I noticed." Jalen chuckled softly. "Glad you asked about it, though. I began to think it was me."

"But why in the world would you do that?" Niner asked after a short pause.

"Because you are a good-looking man, Niner." Jalen smiled, giving the impression of still measuring him up and down.

"So are you," the clone replied.

"I can see that the art of smooth-talking is completely lost on you." Jalen laughed.

"Well." Niner stopped because he wasn't quite sure what he wanted to say. "I guess," he went on, "I think, I mean. You have Aileen and everything," he ended lamely."

"Ah." Jalen's expression sobered up. "Not wanting to scar my little girl."

"Not really." Niner didn't know why he even said it. It was a perfectly fine explanation and he could have pulled it off. Maybe. "I just assumed you like women.

"Well, I did." Jalen's hand dropped from his shoulder, hovering for a moment in half a gesture. "Still do. Sometimes." He made a pause. "When Kajica died, it was a difficult time."

"You don't have to tell me," Niner said immediately, seeing the pained expression on the other man's face.

"I want you to know," Jalen replied, hoisting a smile. "But not now. Now you need to board that ship and get some family business done." His fingers grazed over Niner's cheek lingering and making the clone feel fuzzy around edges he didn't know he had.

"Alright," Niner said, pulling himself from contemplation. "I'll be back."

"That's something to look forward to, then." The smile on Jalen's face became a grounding reality again.

Niner had the feeling that he was expected to do something, touch him somewhere but he couldn't make up his mind about what would be proper. In the end he just shrugged with another apology on his face.

When Jalen raised his hand for a short wave, Niner pressed his own palm against his for a moment. Half relieved and half embarrassed he then turned and went up the ramp, possibly more confused than he had been in his whole life.


	5. Five Times - One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Whole title: The Four Times I Wrote a Proper Five Times and the One Time I did not
> 
> The tidbits are all over the timeline. Chronological storytelling will resume in chapter 10, after the Five Times. There the story will pick up a little into the relationship and proceed with all proper explanations.

## The Four Times Niner Felt Slightly Off-Beat and the One Time He Did Not

 

Atin and Laseema

Nothing to it, he told himself, watching his brother. Nothing at all. Just life. Life as it is, or maybe should be. A life they should never have known if everything had gone according to the plans of their creators.

Niner tried not to resent them. Not the creators, not the paths that had gotten him where he was, not those around him, especially not Atin and Laseema. It was in no way their fault.

"Come along," Atin said.

"Yes, join us," Laseema agreed. "It will be fun."

It probably was. For them anyway. Somehow Niner felt wrong around them, almost like an intruder. It was not their fault. Atin was obviously and painstakingly trying to include him in everything. Maybe that was a part of the problem. That he had to be included, that he was not automatically a part of it.

Back in the days. Niner stopped the thought right there. In the GAR things had not been better, not overall. Simpler, yes. Smaller and easier to navigate. There had been clear-cut lines and easy paths to follow. But there had been a price, a price too high to pay. And that price had been their lives, all of them however short they were. No detours, just a straight path from one battle to the next until death opened his arms to welcome them home.

Now they had so much more to live for. The constant fear for his brothers' lives had abated. They were still fighting, yes, but they were doing it on their own terms, with their own kit and their own reasons. For themselves. That in itself was luxury.

But life had so much more to offer. The short time on Triple Zero had showed Niner that. Not only with Dar and Etain, but also Atin and Laseema. It was different and still the same. There was a part of Atin's life in which he had no place. A part of a brother’s life he did not belong. It had been a new experience. It was still an awkward one.

It was all the more painful in Kyrimorut. Everybody had a part of life to which Niner did not belong. He felt fractured, caught up between people he should be a unity with. It worried him. In unguarded moments it made him wish to be back ion the GAR.

But how could he begrudge his brother this part of life? He wanted it. They all wanted it. And Atin had gotten lucky. So would he. That's what he kept telling himself, what everybody kept telling him. It had to be true then, didn't it?

"Nah," he said. "Sorry vod, I promised Cov to help out with the nuna today. Dev and Yover went to Enceri for supplies. Next time." It was as good a reason as any. Niner was just glad it was also true.

"You need to loosen up more, Niner." Atin shook his head. "We're not in the GAR any longer. Time to enjoy life, _ner vod_."

"Next time," Niner repeated. He did not promise anything though. He always kept his promises.

 

Fi and Parja

"Has he fried the dampers again?" Parja called up into the belly of Niner's current ship.

"He did indeed," a voice very similar to his own called back. "But it's not his fault, _cyar'ika_ , have you seen the way they have been wired up?"

"Indeed I have not," the woman standing next to Niner replied. "Because you insisted on crawling in there first." She turned to Niner. "You really should let us do the repairs, even if it means a detour. Some of the improvements we made are quite tricky.

"I will try to remember," Niner replied. "But she flew well enough without the dampers."

"That, _ner vod,_ is because she had secondary dampers." Fi swung out of the ship almost as easily as before his accident. If you didn't know about it, and if you didn't know about clone commandos, you would not even notice. And compared to the state they had salvaged him – Niner did not like to think back to it. That was all behind them now. For good.

Fi snagged a multi-tool from Parja's utility belt. She slapped him lightly. "Get your own tools."

"Why? Yours are great." Fi grinned insolently, winked at Niner and vanished back under the plating of the ship.

"And he really has always been like this?" Parja inquired.

"Worse," Niner said without thinking. It occurred to him that this might be counted as an insult. Before he could explain, though, Parja laughed.

"I am not sure I want to imagine."

"No, that's not-," Niner didn't know how to express what he meant so that would not be offensive one way or another.

"It's fine, I understand," she interrupted him. "He's quite a handful."

That was not the way Niner would have described his brother. With Parja's help, care and finally love, Fi's big mouth had come back. So had his unfailing optimism. Both might have been tampered. But whatever had been nagging at Fi before his accident, it was gone now.

"He's reckless, too. So I better see what he's up to unless you want to fly a very volatile prototype." Parja followed her husband into the entrails of the ship. Not his brother, her husband. Niner knew, might have always know, what had angered Fi so much. And why he did not rage against it any longer in his new life. There were words of protest from Fi that turned into an unintelligible discussion before the sounds of repairs being made were all that could be heard.

Niner watched the hull of the ship for a while. If it was true that you got what you deserved – he didn't finish the thought. It wouldn't hold up for Dar and that would not be fair.

 

Ordo and Besany

Precise.

It wasn't a word Niner had thought applicable to personal relationships, but seeing Ordo and Besany together, it was the first thing that came to mind. In a world where words like these were applicable, the first among sons and thirst among women matched perfectly. Even without words like that, there was no mistaking how the methodical minds meshed meticulously.

"Only an amateur would loop an audit rail like that,"Besany said. "It's effective, but they will expect better from us."

"But how good will their slicers really be?" Ordo asked. He sat staring at rows upon rows of number, his forehead lined in concentration.

"Not as good as us," Besany replied. She tapped the display in a few places. "But careful surveillance will show those don't add up."

There was a moment's silence as Ordo did the maths. Then he nodded. "They will have to be very thorough to find it."

"Oh they will be." Besany's voice was suddenly flat. "Orders from the Emperor himself will do that."

"You will be safe." Ordo put a hand over hers.

"I have a family. Another family," she added after a short pause.

"They will be safe as well. You left them, they know nothing." The Null seemed to be considering his words. "And we have an eye on them."

"But I cannot see them."

"No."

"Ever again?"

"I do not know." There was a heavy silence in which Ordo's hand cupping that of Besany was almost a noise.

The way things were standing right now, Niner had his money on 'never'. It was not a nice prospect. But at least it was a vision of the future where all involved were still alive. Sometimes that was not enough.

But Besany had Ordo and she had _Kal'buir_ and the whole clan. She made do. It was the sign of a survivor and only those ha a chance in the elaborate matrix of the clan. Niner looked back at the schedules of the coming days on his comm. All he had to do was survive this. The smiling face of Jalen Tavers was just another obstacle. If he treated it like one, he'd be fine.

Somewhere deep down treating Tavers like an obstacle felt right, too. There was something about the man that didn't add up. But in the end, it wouldn't matter. Because he was a survivor in a clan of survivors and that was all that mattered.

 

Kal and Ny

It might just take forever.

Niner watched Nyreen Vollen fuss over _Kal'buir_. It was a strange sight and one he would not have expected. But love, if that was the word he wanted, seemed to know no age or time. It just happened on people, possibly without them noticing at first.

It was something Niner did not exclude, but going through the people he knew, even with a very fine comb, yielded no possible oversight. It occurred to him that he did no know many people, especially not outside of the clan. That might be a problem.

Kal'buir had always known a lot of people. And still it had taken him a long time to, well. Niner shook the thought away, trying not to watch the two. But when he looked around, he realised that he was alone. Mij was discussing something with Qail over a three dimensional model of what looked like DNA. Tera watch Kom'rk demonstrating how to sharpen a blade on armour plates, Jilka was trying to kick Corr out of the kitchen, though half-hearted. Even Vau was occupied, half engrossed reading, half distracted petting Mird.

Niner looked at his hands. He should do something. Anything. Join Fi in the workshop with Parja. Help Atin procuring supplies with Laseema. Besany might be with them if she was not slicing half the galaxy with Jaing. There had to be something he could do. He got up.

"No, it's not alright." That way Nyreen's voice. "You can't make decisions like that. Not for me."

When Niner looked up, he saw he rise and stare down at Kal'buir. Her hands were balled at her sides and she bounced back and forth on her heels.

"I have." It was a soft reply, but they echoed in the silence of the kar'yaim.

"Right." She didn't say anything else. She didn't have to. When she stepped through the door, Niner followed.

"He means well," he defended Kal not even knowing what had transpired.

"That may be," Nyreen gazed into the gathering dusk. "But it doesn't mean he gets to make my decisions."

"He is doing a good job keeping us all alive."

"Might well be." Nyreen turned to look at him. "Still doesn't mean he gets to make my decisions."

Niner stood silently at her side. He had always understood the reasoning behind Kal'buir's choices. Like everything some of them turned out less than perfect but that was just life. He knew from experience that you could rarely wait until you found the perfect solution. Sometimes you just had to act on the intel you had, good or bad, some choices had to be made.

You might have to correct them alter, adjust them, remake them, but all that was for later. If you waited for perfection to act, you never did anything and that was the real problem. Niner was not sure he found the right words to realte this to Nyreen.

"Still doesn't mean he gets to make 'em for me," she said. "I do. Nobody else. Even if they get me killed."

Niner did not want to think about what would happen if Nyreen died. Kal'buir would go spare, tat much was certain. The fact that he did make decisions for the pilot proved that he cared.

"If that's how he shows it, this will be a very long journey." She didn't sound discouraged. It gave Niner hope. "But that old barve drives me crazy," Nyreen told him. "I need to get out and work with sensible people for a change."

It took Niner a moment to realise that she was talking about him. Sensible was not how he would describe himself at the moment though. He was spending too much time thinking about things he could not change. The trust he needed to earn back. The failures he could not unmake. The expectations he wanted to meet.

And then there were things at the back of his minds. Things less important than all of this, but not letting off nevertheless. Small things, nagging things, things that demanded to be heard.

"Promise me you'll not be as stuck up as last time, though." She pulled the door open, letting in the crisp air of an early dusk.

"Where are we going?" Niner asked.

Nyreen rolled her shoulders, stretched her arms and let out a sigh. "Anywhere. Shopping at Utapau would be great." She gave a low chuckle.

"You can always do some piloting for the relocation," Niner said. "You're a pilot after all."

"Good thinking, lad. At least one man who has his head screwed on right." She looked at the house for a moment before shaking her head. "Some time of simple flying will do me good. Lots of time. Good for thinking about things."

Niner asked no questions. This was an area he knew nothing about. "I'll call Jalen and have him reschedule a line for you."

Nyreen fell into step beside him. "Jalen, huh? You never told me what happened that day I let you loose on Centares."

"Nothing much to tell," Niner shrugged. There really wasn't. But if Nyreen wanted to hear it anyway. He smiled. He would make a story out of it. One with a happy end.

 

Dar and Kad

"Right;" Niner said. He was sitting on the floor with Kad on his lap. The toddler watched the movement of his hands intently. "So this is your tower. See how the pillars are its weak point?"

In reply, Kad tugged at his sock. His eyes were still somewhat on the tower of building blocks, but Niner felt that his mind was closer to his socks. Children were not easy.

Kad emphasised the point by completely ignoring the splendid tower in front of him and pulling off the sock. After some deliberation he began to suck on his toes.

"I am not sure you are supposed to be doing that." Niner sighed. How did you even handle kids?

For a moment Kad looked up at him with eyes too old for a child his age. Then he returned to exploring his feet with his mouth.

Niner made sure the toddler was secure in his lap before stacking a few more blocks on top of the tower. It was really pretty.

"Lar." Kad waved a sock in the direction of the structure.

"Do you want it to come or do you want it to be here?" Niner picked up the topmost block holding it within reach of Kad. How did he even know if the kid tried to speak basic of Mando'a?

"Lar!" Kad emphasised, waving the sock some more.

Niner dropped the building block into it.

Kad made a surprised sound and began to scrutinise the impromptu toy. Niner took advantage and put one the dry sock on one of the toddler's feet. He watch, toying with the building blocks absently, as Kad tried to remove and return the wooden block from its unlikely container.

"Sorry about that." Niner indicated the soggy sock in Kad's hand when Dar returned. "He considered it more interesting than the building blocks. I have no idea why." Or what I am doing, he added to himself. No need to worry Dar with that though.

"You're doing fine." Darman sat down next to him, holding out his hands towards Kad.

The toddler contemplated the offer for a moment. Then he climbed off Niner's lap, making swaddling progress towards his father. "Dada." He held out the sock like a prize.

Niner didn't feel fine. He vaguely remembered the last time he felt fine, but that was before a string of failures. He rarely went without doubting his every step now. Because if he had gone that wrong once, more than once, how could he be sure it wouldn't happen again? Endangering the whole clan now?

"Niner?"

His eyes focussed on Dar.

"You are doing fine, _ner_ _vod_." The other said it slowly, with emphasis. He was not speaking about Kad only any more.

Niner tried a smile but it was hard. How could anybody trust him when he couldn't? Because he couldn't. He had been sitting on the other side of the equation often enough. It had been the easier side, he realised. With some satisfaction he watched Kad removing one of the carrying pillars, toppling the tower before crashing into it with his whole body.

"You know I don't ask you to look after him so you feel useful, right?"

Niner tilted his head, still slightly distracted by the tumbling child and building blocks. "It would be fine, Dar. Maybe not working, but fine."

"He likes you." Darman watched his son starting to stack up the pieces again clumsily. "He asks for you."

Niner pressed his lips together and nodded curtly. There were many words hidden in that, but he needn't hear them all. "Thank you, _ner vod_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have seen a lot of "four times plus one" around and wanted to try my hand. As usual, things got quite out of the same. Apologies.


	6. Five Times - Two

## The Four Colours Niner Lost and the One He Is

 

1.Orange

Niner had always thought that this would be it: orange. The colour of life and joy. When he had seen himself free of the army, among his brothers on _Manda'yaim_ , that had been the colour his dreams had claimed.

But then he had come home.  
And then he had come home bringing traitors.  
And everything had changed.

At least Dar hadn't stayed a traitor. Niner hadn't realised how hard that was on him until his _vod_ had returned. They might not be pod-brothers but Omega was the closest family Niner had. Closer even than _Kal'buir_.

How had he been able to look him in the eye after this failure was still beyond his comprehension. But orange was out of the question since the disaster of his homecoming.

Maybe one day, when he found reason to celebrate life again, he could claim some of it back with a clear conscience. If that ever could be cleared. Even Skiratas absolution had done only so much. Niner knew about responsibility. He also knew failure.

Now it was time to make amends. And some day in the future, a muted variant possibly, only highlights and discreet patterns.

 

2\. Blue

It was increasingly difficult to follow Mereel's figure move against the deepening dusk. His blue armour melted into the background, the light parts hovering over the landscape like mist.

Checking on the perimeter was not a task that fell to the Null ARC automatically. But he liked the exercise after a long day in the laboratory of Kyrimorut. Niner could understand the urge, the desire to move even if you were stuck on a planet. And you didn't tell a Null-ARC that it was your turn on the watch. So he watched Mereel blend into blue dusk of the descending night.

Mereel liked blue and Kom'rk wore it openly, a testimony to who he was. It was a common colour among Mandalorians, it was an important value as well. Niner looked at his track record and doubted he had earned it. Like so many things it slipped through his fingers when the Republic fell apart. It had taken a lot of things with it, Niner had felt sure had nothing to do with it.

Purpose.

Darman.

Certainty. As it had been after three years in the field.

There was nothing left to trust. He could not trust himself for sure. All decisions he had made after Order 66 had turned out bad. He had been the reliable one. Niner knew it. The level-headed one, the reasonable one. And what was he now?

The one on probation. The one who couldn't see betrayal right under his nose, refused to see it in Dar until it was too late.

Niner inhaled deeply and let the air out in a long breath. All was not lost. There was still hope Dar would see reason and return. There was hope, however small, that Rede had not yet compromised them. But all that was relying on thin threads of ifs and maybes. There was nothing reliable about it.

Nor about him.

The blue evening faded into something darker and less forgiving. Niner ignored it in favour of doing his job.

 

3\. Black

It's a complicated colour, somehow a tie between Vau and Jalen that was not making any sense. Niner had never consciously considered it before. The colour that was none, despite the fact that he had worn it for quite a while with Omega when they were still part of the GAR. It had always belonged to Vau somehow.

He wasn't sure where justice came in with the old Mandalorian, but the black, towering figure from his past had always claimed black for itself. For him it had never held the terror Vau's own squads seemed to associate with it. And lately it had been prying on his mind.

Maybe that was because of Tera. She had armoured up in a similar kit, doubling the shadows in Kyrimorut. Sometimes Niner could see the two training with their _beskade_ like two pieces of highly dense night.

That had to be it, Niner told himself. It had nothing to do with another face wearing the colour of justice even without helmet. The bright smile that came so easily to Jalen's lips flashed unbidden through his memory. A smile of his own making curled up the unwary corners of his mouth.

Justice wasn't the worst thing, Niner decided. Admittedly, the dark eyes of Jalen were probably sparkling with something entirely else, but orange was always an option for highlights. The immediate connection of those two surprised Niner and his forehead crunched up in thought. How had that ever happened?

But it was definitely not justice he saw when he looked at Tavers black hair almost indistinguishable from his skin but by texture. It was not that he had ever been tempted to run his finger along that impossible seam. How would that feel, though?

Niner's wrist comm announced an incoming call. It was Tavers – Jalen. Niner found he could not think of wearing black without very strange images coming up indeed. He didn't really mind, but somehow it made wearing black armour not really be an option any more.

 

4\. Red

It had seemed like a logical decision. Niner saw it on Ordo and the Null-ARC was doing it justice. Maybe that was part of the problem. Ordo was a perfect son. He was a Null so part of the perfection had been engineered into him, but mostly he worshipped the floor _Kal'buir_ was walking on and would do anything to make the old Mandalorian happy.

He wasn't so different from the rest of them in that respect. Even the girls, women of the clan had their own crusades to see _Kal'buir_ happy. Ordo was just better at it than anybody. Ever since that fateful night on Kamino.

It was an open secret that for the father who didn't have favourites, Ordo was it. And disregarding how anybody felt about that, including Ordo, they had arranged their lives around it.

Also, Ordo didn't disappoint _Kal'buir_. Never. Not repeatedly and certainly not like that. Niner flinched at the memories. But when he had found out the part Kal had planned for Jalen, for Jalen and Aileen-

"He's juts a civilian, Kal!" Niner felt like shouting.

"So was Besany," Kal replied. "So was Tera or Laseema"

Why couldn't the mercenary see his point? Niner clenched and unclenched his fists. "But he has a family, a daughter, his own business." Jalen could not be transplanted like any of the strays Kal had collected. Jalen was not lost.

"What is the alternative?" Kal asked. "Become a logistics entrepreneur?"

'And would that be so bad?' Niner wanted to ask. But it was not a question. It was not that bad. But once said, he could not take it back

 

5.) Green

"I know you don't want to see me, but this is important." Niner felt his stomach or maybe some other of his innards lurch as he watched Jalen get up from his desk protesting the invasion already. He was the only one with his bucket off. Being accosted by four fully armed Mandalorians you couldn't place might have been a bit too much for his former – well, former. He tried not to wince at that thought.

"You know you are not welcome here."

"I know." Niner didn't budge. "But you are in danger-"

"Into which you have put me."

"I know and-"

"And Aileen as well. Even Shaleea." Jalen's body language was unyielding.

Niner closed his eyes for a moment. "I know," he repeated softly. "Don't believe that it is something I can ever forget." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I know I have betrayed you. I know I can't undo it. I know you won't forgive me. But that is not the point."

He took a deep breath. For once, Jalen kept his mouth shut, shut and unsmiling, an expression so uncommon that he seemed to be a complete strange. But how do I look to him now? "The point is that now you are in danger. I have not learnt much in my time so far, but I know how to fight."

Niner indicated his brothers. "We all do. So that is what we will do. Fight. Make sure that no harm comes to you, Aileen or Shaleea. And then we'll be gone. I swear."

"And how am I supposed to trust those words?" Jalen's voice was almost inaudible.

"If you cannot trust me," Niner managed not to bite his lip, "trust them. They have never lied about who they are. Who we are."

In unison Mereel, Bevin and Lance took of their helmets.

Surprise plastered itself over Jalen's features.

"May I introduce my brothers," Niner said. "Mereel, Bevin and Lance." He indicated each of the men who offered Jalen a nod in return.

"You have been hatched somewhere," the entrepreneur got out. "Niner?"

"Cloned, bred and trained for war." There was nothing else to say. He watched as Jalen approached the three identical men, scrutinising them closely.

"And you will just leave when this is over. I'll never see any of you again."

"Yessir," Bevin and Lance replied in unison.

"Niner's a horribly bad liar," Mereel offered instead, "but he sticks to his word."

Jalen turned around again. His features were still hard, but at least he was looking at him again. Niner didn't know why that made it harder. "It is all I can do," he said.

"It damn well is." Jalen didn't look happy about this, but he realised that his chances to survive in this feud of armoured madmen were a lot better if some of them stood guard around him and his family. "And you will leave? Forever?"

" _Haat, ijaa, haa'it_." The words almost stuck in Niner's throat as he held out his hand.

"Meaning?" Jalen hesitated looking at the offered hand.

"With these words we seal a pact," Mereel supplied ambling across the room. "Means his head and other important bits will fall off if he breaks it."

Niner couldn't even speak up to rein the Null-ARC in. Not that he was sure it would have worked anyway.

"I accept."

Though Jalen tried to take his hand, Niner went for the full elbow grip. He was not sure he could bear the feel of those palms on his now, even separated by the thick material of his gloves. Jalen fell into the grip easily.

"Mereel will set up everything with you," he told Jalen. "He is – special." And not me, but that was something neither of them had to add in words.

Jalen nodded and joined the Null at his desk. With a last glance, Niner tore his eyes off the tall figure, stashing the regret away and shoring up the anger and pain for later. There would be people to kill later. It would help. Or so he hoped.

 


	7. Five Times - Three

## The Four Calls From Tavers Niner Didn't Get It And The One Time He Did

 

1.)

"Tavers and Tavers Logis- well, hello there, Niner, my friend," Jalen Tavers switched gears in the middle of the word without losing a beat. "What can I do for you?"

Niner wasn't sure he liked calling Tavers. The other was infallibly happy to see him with a smile besieging him like some weapon of unknown aim. Even bad news were always delivered with a smile and some kind of solution at hand. Tavers was a wizard with his fleet whether it was delays, rescheduling or re-routing. They were moving a lot of material right now and only a fraction of it ended up on Krant.

"The Phrik is going to be two days late," Niner said. "I don't think we can delay the ship that long without upsetting the whole line, though.

Jalen's face lit up with streaks of colour as he called up his schedules to compare. It was a blessing, Niner thought, that the man never asked what they were even doing with half the materials they shipped, some of them even more suspicious than Phrik.

"You're right," Tavers agreed. "It would undo the whole supply chain. Let me look into it for a moment." He fell silent, a look of concentration setting over his features.

Niner knew it by now and had a very high regard for it. It brought results. However Tavers kept his head wrapped around the flowing information He resigned himself to watching the minimal movements of the process, the flick of an eye roving over a document invisible to him, the twist of that lush lips which usually heralded headway. Jalen tilted his head slightly in thought, working through his ideas, nodding to himself at the end. When he returned his attention to Niner, he was smiling again.

"The cheapest solution is to let it sit for now and run that slot empty. Since it's not much volume, I can rearrange some of the other loads to create a slot probably big enough within three days. Here."

A light on the terminal announced the reception of a file. Niner opened it to look at Jalen's solution, neatly displayed in numbers, charts and sums. It was not perfect, but as perfect as it would get on such notice with no Null-ARC working it out. Tavers was a stroke of luck.

"Looking good," Niner poked about the charts a little. "Did you look at the draft of the follow-up contract yet?"

"I did, my friend, and it's a butt load of work. But as you said, worth it."

"So you're in."

"Definitely." Jalen looked actually happy about the offer. "Wouldn't dream of letting you walk off with that one on your own."

Niner closed the file and looked up. Tavers was accosting him with his usual megawatt smile. "Let me know when you're done with it. I'll send you any changes as they crop up."

"You'll be hearing from me."

"Good."

Niner still felt somewhat awkward when the connection went blank. He shouldn't, really. All had gone very well. Maybe that was just it. He just wasn't used to things working out smoothly any more.

 

2.)

"Hello Jalen."

"Hello there, Mystery Man. How can I help you?"

"The usual." Niner adamantly ignored the plethora of stupid nicknames Jalen threw at him.

"Ain't that getting boring?" Jalen raised a brow.

Niner blinked. He had not expected that reply. "What are you implying?"

"What about a more personal approach?"

There was a wink somewhere in that sentence, Niner was sure of that. He didn't quite know where to place it, though. "I thought you were top keep work and private life apart?"

"And how is that working out for you?"

Niner didn't even know. So far he hadn't had a private life to speak of. Looking at _Kal'buir_ or his brothers didn't shed any light on the question either. It was always hard to tell what was actually work in the life they had. And he did now have a part of his life he pretended to be a relocation professional and a part where he pretended to be a capable Mandalorian. Neither felt very private.

"I don't know," he finally said.

"Well, do something about that then. Things can only improve," Jalen suggested.

"Like what?" Niner was not sure where this was going.

"I have many ideas, none of which are applicable for you, I'm afraid." Jalen didn't look sorry. "But we could probably work something out together in person."

"Is that another invitation?"

"Why, yes. It is indeed."

For reasons unknown Niner felt the urge to look at his feet. "What good would that do?"

"Apart from making both of us and my girls happy, I have absolutely no idea."

Niner wondered if that would actually make him happy and found that maybe, well yes, indeed, it would. He wasn't as surprised as he should have been by that realisation. But how could he place any of his happiness outside the clan? The risk he would be running was too high. And how could he betray their trust and loyalty like that? Still, a little happiness couldn't harm, could it?

"I'll think about it."

"Better think fast. Aileen will be on her first school trip soon. And then she'll be away for ten days."

"I can come after she has returned.

"No."

Niner didn't know how to react to that. It was likely some kind of joke, but like all jokes, there had to be a grain of truth in it. "Alright. I'll see what I can do."

"I could send you a list," Jalen grinned smugly.

How was he even supposed to get any work done like this, Niner wondered. He'd have to steer these conversations a lot more elegantly or they would keep drifting into – he didn't even know into what. But he didn't like it. He thought.

"About that impounded ship on Bimmisaari," he tried to work on those skills immediately. "We found out what it is all about and you won't like it."

Just a matter of practice he told himself. Which was, in and of itself, a reason to call Jalen, wasn't it? But he wouldn't frame it like that.

 

3.)

"Ar-" C-1309. It stuck in his throat and made for a tiny awkward pause before he corrected himself. "Skirata here." It felt like illegally appropriating _Kal'buir's_ name. Of course he had gotten it the way it should be, legally sound with that brief moment that was a Mandalorian adoption ceremony. Brief, but as striking as being hit by lightning. Still. It was his name now. He shouldn't feel guilty using it.

"Are you okay?" Jalen's face wore an unusual frown as it appeared on the display. "You sound as if you dropped something heavy on your foot."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"It's good to see you," Niner remembered his manners. "You look good. Thanks for calling."

"My pleasure." A smile smoothed out the gently curved forehead, lighting up the whole face. "I do it for the compliments from you. Not to mention we had an appointment.

"Right, right." Niner tried to get his thoughts back onto business, not quite sure where they had gone to in first place.

"Niner, my friend, you look as if you should take a holiday of at least two weeks."

The clone didn't know what to make of that. He was also uncomfortable with being called 'my friend' like that as it implied a good many things that were, from his point of view, strictly speaking, probably not true.

"I can't," he replied. "Not now. There is too much to do."

"Isn't there always." It wasn't really a question and the expression of Jalen indicated regret. Or indulgence. Niner was never quite sure how to read the man, something was always slightly off.

"There might," he conceded. "But this is the most important contract I've ever had." It wasn't a lie. His life hinged on it quite literally.

"And you are sure that not each contract so far was?" Jalen raised an admonishing brow.

Niner tried to think about it. Since it was, truth be told, also his first contract, the answer should strictly speaking have been 'yes'. But in comparison with everything else he had done in his life, if he framed it as contracts, it did become a most definite 'no'. He couldn't fathom anything being this important again either. This was their endgame.

"No." He finally shook his head. "No. This one is different. His one is the job of a lifetime."

The brow sank again while Jalen's smile rose up. "You would have to know that."

"I do."

"Alright then, Mr Indestructible Niner Skirata." The smile came back in full megawatt force. "I think you were about to talk business."

Niner agreed. Some part of him thought that it was quite a waste, though. But it was soon buried under facts and figures.

 

4.)

"Thank you very much for calling 'Tavers and Tavers Logistics'. We are sorry we cannot answer you call in person at the moment." It was Shaleea's voice taking the edge off the circumstance with her beautiful voice replayed. "Please leave your name and number after the tone and we will call you back as soon as possible. Thank you again for calling and we are looking forward to speaking to you soon."

There was a sound that fell very flat after the announcement. Niner sighed, but there was nothing for it. "This is Niner Skirata," he began. "My code is-"

"Niner, my friend!" he was interrupted. Jalen's voice almost jumped at him. "What can I do for you?"

"I thought you were-"

"I always have time for my favourite customer."

The grin was audible in the voice only comm. It was also creeping up Niner's memories. And he felt he was returning it, voice only or no. "What have I done to achieve that status?"

"Been yourself." Jalen's face flared up on the display, beaming his smile through the galaxy. It didn't lose a lick of its force in the process. "And you saved Aileen which goes a long way with any father."

It was irrefutable truth. That much Niner knew from Dar and little Kad, but he wasn't sure it should go quite that far. He was about to say that it was nothing and he'd do it again when he realised that this might only compound the problem.

"Well," he said instead. Then he remembered to turn on his own visual.

"I thought you'd never think of that." Jalen said. "Having quite a lot on your mind?"

Niner nodded. The whole operation was getting to him. And the cure had just been turned feasible with some adjustments. Everybody was tense, closing to snapping because it wasn't even A Big Thing. The cure was The Thing. To have it this tantalisingly close made everybody itchy.

"Anything I can help with?" The other man asked.

A laugh escaped Niner before he could help it. "You already are."

"The offer for the holiday is still standing."

"When this is over," the clone replied absently, only then realising what he had said. How come he just agreed to something like that? Though the prospect of spending two weeks with Aileen and Jalen appealed to him.

"I'll hold you that," Jalen said, his smile turning impish. "And I will tell Aileen you said yes. Then you will never hear the end of it.

 

5.)

"Hello!"

"Uh, hello, Aileen."

"Hello Niner. Papa is not here."

"I can see that." The clone was not sure how to proceed under these circumstances. The girl looked pleased having answered the comm, but she certainly did not have any of the answers he needed. "Where is he?"

"Working." This seemed to be a complete answer.

"When will he be back?"

"We always go home around five," Aileen said. "You should _know_ that."

Definitely, Niner agreed, since he had actually been there once. He tried to think of another way to ask his question. "And when will he be in his office again? Today?" He added, just to be sure.

Aileen thought that over. "I don't know. Is it important?"

"I want to talk to him."

"Many people do." The girl nodded wisely, the rainbow-coloured bows at the ends of the braids swinging with the movement. "But papa says I am not to talk to them."

"Then you better listen to your papa," Niner said automatically. "Why did you reply this call?"

"I see that it is you."

"You do?"

"Yes, papa puts pictures when somebody calls so he can see who calls, not just the numbers. I could see you. So I knew it was okay to answer. I am allowed to talk to you."

Niner was not quite sure he could follow that logic, but decided to let it be. "If you see him, could you tell him-"

"You can talk to me, too," Aileen interrupted him. "That is alright."

Her happy grin was irresistible. Niner had no idea how to refuse without causing major damage. Maybe Jalen would just arrive if he talked to Aileen for a bit? It was worth a try, right? Jalen would keep an eye on what his daughter was doing, right? "Are you taking over his business already?"

"I help." The short ends of her braids swung in affirmation. "I am good."

"I bet you are. Your papa must be very proud of you."

"He is. When I grow up, I will marry him."

It took some control not to laugh or gawk at that. It was not an idea Niner would ever have come up with himself. He wondered if it was normal. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes. He is the best man ever!"

Niner could not refute that. He felt he should have been able to, though. After all he knew a lot of men. "What if somebody else marries him first?"

Aileen did not look convinced. "Who would do that? You?"

"Well," he didn't get any further and did not feel bad about it at all.

"Wouldn't you want to marry aunt Leea?"

Niner thought about that, comparing the images of Jalen and his sister in his mind's eye. Well. "I think," he trod very carefully, "that Shaleea might not like me quite as much as your papa.

The small face on the other side of the comm scrunched up in thought. "That's right," the end of her thought process yielded. "Papa always gets that silly smile when he talks about you."

Well.

"And sometimes he giggles." The young voice was full of disapproval. "He is too old to act like a teenager."

"And how do you know how teenagers act?" Niner asked without thinking.

"From the holonet, of course," the girl declared.

Somehow Niner doubted that she had watched documentations, if there even was such a thing. There was no knowing how accurate Aileen's data was. "And they tell you how to behave?"

"Yes. It is very easy. When you grow up you find somebody and then you marry them. Then they know you really love them."

Niner didn't dare ask what happened if you didn't find somebody. "That is all there is to it?"

"Yes. So I'll marry papa."

"You don't have to marry if you don't want to."

"But how do you know somebody loves you if they don't marry you?" Sincerely worried eyes were glued to him.

"You could tell them." Niner tried to think very, very fast. "That should work, shouldn't it?"

"I don't know."

"Well. I love you very much, Aileen. You are very important to me." Niner smiled. "And you are not allowed to forget it."

Aileen puckered her lips, thinking hard. "Can you say it again?"

"Of course. You are very important to me, Aileen and I love you."

After giving this serious consideration the girl nodded, hopefully coming to the conclusion that this would work instead of marriage after all. "And papa?"

Niner hesitated. How was he ever going to get out of that one? Not gracefully, that was for sure, but also not lying. Not to Aileen and, if possible, not to himself. "He is important to me, too," he finally said.

"Who is?" Jalen ambled into the field of the camera, running his hand over his daughter's head.

"Papa!" Aileen answered for both of them, throwing her arms around his waist.

Niner didn't feel like elaborating on that.

"Well, sweetheart," Jalen turned his attention to Niner in the middle of the word, "I hope you are not harassing Niner."

"She's not," the clone assured immediately.

Aileen beamed. "Can I marry Niner when I grow up?"

"Why not," Jalen replied, removing her from his seat. "If nobody beats you to it."

"Who would do that?" Aileen asked, clearly put out.

"I might."

The wink he gave Niner did something to his gut that wasn't quite a punch. "Yeah, there's that," he croaked.

"But I am sure Niner had something other than marriage on his mind when he called," Jalen said, gently pushing his daughter away. "So say byebye and let me talk to him, too."

"Byebye," Aileen waved.

Niner returned the gesture, feeling a little sorry to see her go.

"So." Niner felt the full force of Jalen's attention coming to rest on him. "What is the reason for this unexpected call?"

Niner exhaled slowly. "I'm afraid I forgot why I called," he admitted.

"I apologise for Aileen. She does that."

"No, it's alright," Niner replied quickly. "It was a – good conversation."

Jalen laughed and Niner let the sound ripple over him. He liked that laugh, he really did. Who'd have thought.

"I'll call you again as soon as I remember," he promised.

"Do that." Jalen inclined his head. "I'm looking forward to it."

"So do I." Niner cut the connection wearing a smile rivalling Jalen's megawatt installation.


	8. Five Times - Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has all the spoilers for the whole story.  
> 3.) is practivcally the epilogue.  
> 5.) is where the shit hits the fan.

**The Four Times Niner Jalen and Niner Kissed And The One Time They Did Not**

 

1.)

_Stop that!_

Niner tried to turn his attention back to the actual content of the conversation. He had been staring at Jalen's lips again and the other, as if he knew exactly what was going on in his head, turned them up in an irresistible smile.

"A cred for your thoughts," Jalen said.

Rifling through them, Niner decided that a cred would not last long. With a sigh he shook his head.

"You better tell me, Niner my friend. I have a vivid imagination." There was a mischievous glint in the dark eyes that watched him intently. Niner knew about it by now and knew to tread carefully. Not that it helped much.

"Doesn't matter," he murmured.

"Loot at it like this." Jalen took a step forwards, decreasing the space between them to a few inches. "My imagination is likely to be distracting me a lot more than yours."

For a split second Niner actually considered just grabbing Jalen, planting a kiss on him and see what happened. To either of them. Data implied though, that this would be an immensely flawed approach. A daughter and former wife were clear pointers in directions this didn't go. He said everybody. Niner told that voice in his head to shut up. He was _not_ everybody.

Contemplating to take a step backwards, Niner licked his lips. It was likely nervous. His fingers were also fluttering. He really ought to take that step backwards. Still, he was breathing in the air Jalen exhaled almost against his skin so there was that. Niner closed his eyes to chase several more ideas away.

Then he felt Jalen's fingers trailing along his cheek until his palm came to rest against it. Niner was transfixed by the face so close before him. There were lights dancing in the black eyes and an inviting smile lingering on the lips. He found, he could not tear his eyes away from them. Again.

"It's okay," they said as Jalen's fingers curled around the nape of his neck, gently pulling him closer. "Can't do anything that hasn’t happened before."

That was enough to disperse the last of Niner's reservations. He leant into the motion, yielding to the gentle guidance of a man who knew exactly what he was doing. There could be worse. Much worse, Niner decided, finding Jalen's lips to be a surprisingly warm and soft experience. Before he knew, he also found his own hand curled around the other man's head. The tightly curled hair rubbed against his skin, unwilling to yield a real handhold. Not that one was strictly speaking necessary.

A voice in Niner's head spoke up against Jalen's taste, reminding him that he didn't know how any of this worked out. But, another voice chimed in, he only had the barest idea how things were supposed to work out with a woman so there was that. And, Niner decided, he'd much rather find out more about this.

"Easy, big boy," Jalen laughed when they pulled apart. "You'll break something."

"Break what?" Niner's brow furrowed.

Jalen laughed out. "I can see that this will be a lot of fun."

Secretly, Niner agreed. And the best about it all, he added in his mind, was that he'd soon have the time any man got to work this out. He let his fingers glide down Jalen's throat and dip under the collar of his shirt shortly. All the time in the world.

 

2.)

" Glad that you made it."  The smile on Jalen's face was even brighter in real life and Niner admitted that he had been looking forward to seeing it again. It and the tall man attached to it, who managed to lounge standing up.

"It was on my way," Niner said, "and you insisted. So I thought why not?" It really was not much of a detour. And there was a conversation to be had, as far as Niner understood it and it was one he'd rather have sooner than later.

"True, true." A hand took hold of his elbow and steered the clone away as he fell into step with the man at his side. "And it is much better to look at the re-routing in the flesh, so to speak than on display. The program is glitching somewhat lately."

The image of Jalen standing at the table with the models, dark skin bathes in coloured lights spelling out the future came to Niner unbidden. It was a nice image though. One that made him unconsciously look at the long-fingered hand not attached to his person.

Jalen made it easy for him, too, using the hand to emphasise his words with broad gestures. "Sometimes I wonder if Aileen was playing spaceship with the controls gain." He chuckled, the movement travelling throughout his body.

"Are you sure, it's the program?" Niner had no idea how any of the things going through his head were worked out in reality. They had to be somehow or there would be decidedly less life forms about. He decided to keep talking for now, preferably about something he understood.

"It's an old programme, I'm afraid. I was very satisfied with it, but," Jalen shrugged, "they have released several new versions by now and I didn't buy any of them. The technical support for what I have has been – discontinued."

"And why don't you upgrade?" Niner felt he was on difficult territory. Navigation carefully was a lot easier under fire than with words.

Jalen grimaced. "It is not for free."

"But your business is going great!"

"Since you started hiring all my ships." The hand slipped off Niner's elbow upwards until it came to rest on his shoulder. "You saved my little girl and then my business. I wonder where you will stop."

Niner had never considered being in the business of saving anybody. His past years of work did not lend themselves to that general assumption either. Probably not even on the overarching level of politics. He was pretty certain that his boost to Tavers & Tavers, as welcome as it was, did not quite have the impact Jalen claimed.

Jaing would have known. He would not have chosen a company close to bankruptcy. Or would he? Something cold and hard settled in his stomach. He was likely not saving Tavers, not in the long run. It was something he would have to have an eye on.

"If you tell me what you need, I could ask one of my brothers to have a look at it," he offered. Jaing could upgrade anything to perfection with a remote and five minutes time. "Not a problem."

"And the catch?" Jalen opened the door to the room next to his office, turning on the lights in the same motion.

"None I can think of," Niner said slowly. "It would benefit us as well, right?"

"I will think about it." Jalen brought the table to life and the models arranged themselves neatly into the current supply lines. The he took up position next to the clone. "Well, about the new routes."

Niner tried to focus on the moving models and not on how his shoulder almost brushed Jalen's. Work first, his head insisted. It was fighting a majority of other parts of him, though. Maybe if he leant to the right just a tiny little bit..?

"Niner, my friend, whatever it is, you better get it out." Jalen turned towards him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"What?" The sudden proximity to the other's face, even if still well without bounds of intimacy startled the clone.

"Ever since you stepped of that ramp you have been trying to say something." Jalen shook him gently. "It's cute in a painful way. But I think we're both off better if you just say it."

Niner stood considering this for a moment. It was not really words, that bothered him. He opened his mouth; reconsidered. People were working through this on a daily basis. What was the worst that could happen? "Well. It's just that-"

He raised his arms in a shrug decided it was as good a start as any and wondered where to bring them down again. Whatever looks attractive. That meant he ended up with one hand on Jalen's face and one on his waist, both somewhat tugging the other in his direction.

To his own surprise that worked very well and as not quite planned but somehow hoped for, putting Jalen's face but a breath apart from his. The dark eyes were possibly sparkling with amusement, but Niner didn't keep looking, because the ample smile growing on those lush lips, moved their skin almost against his. He plunged on.

All in all, Niner decided a little later, still holding on to Jalen tightly and not enough out of breath to let go for some longer, it was not that difficult. The limbs seemed to sort themselves out once the bodies were flush against another. Hands were also unlikely to stay still. Maybe the introductory part needed some more work, but that was for another time.

 

3.)

"Jalen!" Mereel pulled the man at Niner's side into a hug. "Time you finally came by. Kal was starting to think you weren't real and even I was starting to believe him." The smiled at each other, two people that knew if live had gone different they would have known each other a lot better if a lot shorter. It didn't matter.

"And Aileen, too. Hello there ad'ika."

Aileen darted to take a step forwards between her two fathers, looking up at Mereel. "Hello."

"There's a lot of strange men here, ad'ika. You want me to show you around? They behave themselves when I am around."

Niner realised that Mereel was glancing at Jalen as he said that. With a glance at his daughter he nodded and the child flew up the Null-ARC's side with a delighted squeal.

"Piggyback," Aileen crowd and was obliged.

"Don't worry," Niner said, following Jalen's gaze. "They all love children."

"And what a big lot they are." Jalen sighed. "I should probably not be happy Bevin and Lance left. But I'd feel very bad if I mixed them up with anybody."

"They will be back," Niner replied, feeling slightly mischievous. "They're collecting Ryie and Sal, the closest brothers they have."

"Right," Jalen sighed. "So."

Niner decided to take pity on his lover. It was not everyday that you were thrown into a vheh'yaim peopled mostly with clones half of which hadn't bothered with armouring down. "That's Atin over there, the one with the scar across his face, with his Twi'lek wife Laseema. In the corner Prudii and Aden are poring over a game of dejarik. Ordo is the one next to Besany, the tall blonde also his wife. And the one trying to feed Aileen uj cake before dinner is Corr."

This would not do, Niner decided, towing Jalen off. He chided Corr, and Mereel for leaving her in his care in first place. Then he trudged off with his new family for a complete round of introductions. It took a while but it also allowed Niner to give Jalen something to tell his brothers apart with. Though name tags would probably have been of more use.

At least the non-clones would be easy, Parja, Jilka, Besany, Tera, Qail, Scout, Nyreen. Kal'buir, Mij and Vau seemed to be the only non-clone men around. Niner had never stopped to think about it. He tensed as they approached Kal. This would be difficult. Niner prayed it would not swing into something worse as he introduced Jalen.

"I thought I'd never get to see you."

Jalen smiled down at the old mercenary. "I was seriously considering the option."

"Maybe you think I should apologise."

"Maybe I do." Jalen implied a shrug.

"And maybe we saved your business."

"Maybe you did."

"And I guess everything worked out fine in the end." Niner felt Kal'buir's gaze on him. He stood tense but would not interfere.

"Which means nothing in the face of endangering my daughter." Jalen did not budge.

Kal's eyes wandered down to Aileen. Though she held on to her father's hand tightly, her eyes were glued to Mird, wide with wonder. The strill watched her attentively, not moving away from where it lay at Vau's feet.

Finally he looked back up at Jalen. "You're right it doesn't. I'm sorry."

Niner relaxed when Jalen nodded. "She will grow up better protected for it now."

"She'll need it," Kal said. "Especially if she pounces on Mird the way she seems to be about to."

"I'll make introductions," Niner spoke up, steering Aileen and her father away. This could have gone a lot worse. But Kal'buir was

"She'll need it," Kal said. "Especially if she pounces on Mird the way she seems to be about to."

"I'll make introductions," Niner spoke up, steering Aileen and her father away. This could have gone a lot worse. But Kal'buir was – not perfect, but he could see when something had gone wrong and he was not below making amends.

"I didn't think you need introductions to a pet," Jalen chuckled softly.

"Oh no, not Mird, Lord Mirdalan, actually," Niner replied. "I was talking about Vau."

A hard-faced mad sat next to the heap of golden fur. Aileen did not spend as much as a second glance on him. "Funny doggie," she said, already reaching out.

"Uh, Vau, this is Jalen Tavers and his daughter Aileen." Niner managed to say it before the child had dropped down beside the strill. Mird whined softly, looking up at its Master.

"Pleased," Vau gave them a once-over.

"I think Aileen would like to play with Lord Mirdalan." Niner wondered why he was still treading so carefully around that man.

The thin lips gave no reply for a moment and golden eyes locked onto one another. "Fine," Vau said more to Mird than anybody else. "But behave yourself."

The whine was replaced by a yelp and the huge face turned to investigate its new toy. As did Aileen, though she looked a lot prettier doing that.

"Is it safe?" Jalen wondered after a while. Aileen was examining the unexpected number of legs.

"Lord Mirdalan is a strill, a Mandalorian hunting animal," Vau said. "He's highly intelligent, versatile and has a strong parental streak. She is safe."

Somewhere there was still an 'until I intervene' in those words. Jalen must have herd them as well because he sat down not far from his daughter who had begun to experiment with the folds of fur. Niner sat down beside him. After a while Mird began to chase Aileen around and got both of them exiled into the corridors for squealing. Kad followed the pair, waddling and sometimes dropping onto Mird. It seemed to put Jalen's mind at ease. Niner felt him lean back beside him.

"So this is what all the material was for, huh?" Jalen eventually said, looking around. "Building your home."

"No." Niner threaded his arm around the other man's waist. "Their home."

When Jalen turned to him with a smile that was as challenging as understanding, the clone did the only sensible thing you could din the situation. He leant over, kissing the smiling man thoroughly.

 

4.)

"Long time no see," Jalen greeted him at the foot of the ramp.

On a whim, Niner pulled him close, planting a kiss on him that was happily returned. "Too long," he finally said, slapping the hatch close as he looked around the storage station. "So, show me what you got."

"Right here right now?" Jalen prodded him in the side.

"Might as well." Niner took advantage of another surprise moment to push the other man against the nearest bulkhead. Enjoy it while you can, he told himself. Enjoy it while it lasts because it won't last forever. Guilt made him pull back.

"Spoilsport." Jalen wound his arm around Niner's waist and led him away. "But it's always 'work first' with you. At least I know what I'm in for."

Niner did his best not to think 'no you don't.' "Well, now that the critical phase is over, there should be less work."

"Is that a promise?"

"I'm afraid so."

Jalen glanced at him from the side. The enquiry was difficult to ignore even for a man who had done special ops for three years in a galaxy-wide war. Niner put an arm around the other man's shoulders which still felt proprietorial which was okay which made him happy which made him guilty, but not enough to let go.

"Really," he picked up the teasing again, "how much of me could you stand?"

"We'd have to give it a try." There was still a wary undertone in Jalen's voice.

"I mean," Niner squeezed the shoulder he held on to, trying not to think of it in too much detail, "how long until you'd be bored out of your wits."

"Same same." Jalen returned the squeeze, disregarding the fact that his hand rested on Niner's hip. "We can start with that holiday you owe me."

Niner prided himself in not missing a step, putting on a broad smile and turning to kiss the cheek of the man walking beside him with acceptable accuray. Hewanted that holiday. He wanted to spend time with Jalen and Aileen and Shaleea, not wondering when he might be called off again. Not wondering what they would say if they knew-

He took a deep breath. He couldn't afford to think about that now. Now was now and a great time to be. Tomorrow was when the mission was over and he was still not sure what lies to tell Jalen. Each and any hurt to think about. But one of them he'd have to chose and hurt Jalen as well. He didn't want to.

Niner had no solution for the problem though. Telling Jalen that he had been an act so far, even if the important parts had not been an act. The smile felt brittle, but it held. How did you tell somebody, you were actually a bred killer on a mission abusing him and his family for your own goals?

No, Niner thought. The difficult part would be living with the reply. With the last reply and the emptiness shaped like a tall man. He did not want to find out. So he would postpone it for as long as possible.

 

5.)

"You didn't have to come in person." Despite the public setting of his office, he ran a hand over Niner's chest.

The clone captured the had gently, holding on to it. "I had to." He didn't know how to go on. "I had to."

"That sounds bad."

Before Jalen could start any comforting, Niner took an abrupt step backwards. "It is important." And it hurt, but he didn't add that. Even if he hadn't brought any lies. It would hurt nevertheless. He let go of the hand before Jalen could pull it back at the things he was about to say. "I have not been quite honest with you."

It wasn't really shock that spread over Jalen's face. The man prepared for impact. Niner knew the signs from other times when the missiles had been more than words. He wondered if any of them could have brought such pain.

"Go on." The tone was wary.

"I am not working in the relocation business," he began. "The company was set up to cover up for a different operation. My name is Niner Skirata, though," he added, "if that is any help." He took a deep breath and plunged on.

Almost unconsciously his eyes locked onto Jalen's lips. He could see them turning into steel, the soft curve hardening until it stood chiselled against a face of cold fury. There was no going back. There was no taking anything back, no holding back.

In the end Niner forced his glance up again, forced himself to meet Jalen's eyes. There was no light in them.

"You endangered my life."

"Yes."

"And that of Shaleea."

"Yes."

"And Aileen."

"Yes."

There was a long silence. Niner stood to attention because there was nothing to be done. He had done these things and he would take on responsibility.

"And what do you expect of me now?"

"Nothing." It was the best he could really hope for.

There was another long silence. "And what do you intend to _do_?"

Niner swallowed. "Protect you. If you allow it." There was the horrible idea that Jalen would refuse any protection and end up dead. Niner would prevent that from happening, but he'd rather do it with Jalen knowing. Not so that the other would be grateful and reconsider, but that he would be out of the way. It was easier to protect people that knew somebody was running circles around them.

Jalen did not reply. He kept looking at Niner, the dark eyes hard as haematite.

"Why are you telling me this?" he finally asked.

"Because I cannot undo it," Niner replied. "Because all I can do is make sure you get out of this alive and whole. Because I am sorry but it doesn't change a thing."

"No," Jalen growled softly. "No, it does not."

"I will leave now," Niner said softly. "Give you time to think it through. And even if you decide not to take on the offer of protection, please," he paused to get his breath under control, "please, _do_ get protection." He nodded at a face hard as stone, feeling his lips go white from pressure. Then he turned and left the office, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. He reached the ship, reached the cockpit, reached hyperspace. There he reached the end of his composure.


	9. Five Times - Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The complete title of the Five Times is actually: ' The Four Times I Wrote a Proper Five Times and the One Time I did not'. Go figure.
> 
> It's not really canon for the story. If you like it, run with it.  
> It's certainly not 'proper writing'. I tried to do this in proper writing and it worked even less.
> 
> I am sorry, I guess.

It was a somewhat delicate topic and Niner did have trouble phrasing it in a way that was not crude. _I want to bang a guy, how would I go about that?_ hit the nail on the head, but is crude. And not really a question you put to people. In his experience. Somehow people seemed to know what to do. It was a mystery.

But it wasn't supposed to stay one and if, well more like when, he finally got around to getting his hands on Jalen, Niner wanted to be somewhat prepared. So he went ahead and asked people anyway.

1)  
Kal Skirata who is somewhat flustered and he did skip the subject of women in training on purpose, even if Jalen did not qualify for that category. Anyway why did Niner ask him of all people? Because how should he know? No, just because he had lived longer didn't automatically mean he had more experience in that respect.

And Niner doesn't dare tell him that it's an old reflex, that he always brought all his questions to Kal because he was the one source of knowledge in his life for so long and also believed omniscient. Not that Niner still believed that. But telling Kal'buir that old habits died hard was also unkind. So he tries to wing it.

That doesn't make Kal any happier, but fortunately, unfortunately of course, sorry son, he just heard Kad call for him. Can't keep the kid waiting. And off he is though Niner is rather sure there had been no such call.

2)  
Atin Skirata who has absolutely no idea but is certain that if he could figure out a Twi'lek, Niner can figure out another guy. After all he had them all figured out even if on a physically different level. Now that sounded a lot less dirty in his mind.

3)  
Arligan Zey who does not know how to hold this conversation let alone with a clone. He immediately cites the Jedi Code and rule of non-attachement and that kind of thing certainly falls under attachment right? And how does a penis even work when not used to pee? Jedi are all mind over matter and matter matters not. Erm.

4)  
Mereel Skirata who claps him on the shoulder because he has definitely come to the right person. Then he launches into a detailed description of an all-male inter-species foursome most of which, Niner is certain, is not applicable in his situation. Though, from a purely anatomical point of view it is certainly very educating.

5)  
So Niner is all frustrated, kicking up stones and dust behind Kyrimorut where he runs into Vau who is in an inexplicably good mood. When asked what his problem is, Niner says 'I guess I want to have sex with a guy, but nobody seems able to offer sensible advice.' And Vau goes, well let me tell you a thing. And then he tells Niner a thing, actually he tells Niner _all of the things_ and links him up to all the gay porn on the holonet and gives him all the advice until Niner is all 'how do you even know that kind of stuff?' And Vau is just: well, there's a reason everybody in this _shabla_ clan gets married but me, son.

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the porn is. (more or less). But you'll see it coming and can opt out in time.  
> Sorry for the length of the chapter; it just didn't stop growing.

_"I understand that you prefer to deal in person, Niner, but you will have to break with that habit sooner or later." Kal's face showed concern. "You can't always see your contacts face-to-face and will have to learn how to deal with comms-only."_

_"Next time," Niner said. "When not all our lives depend on it."_

Kal'buir _smiled. "I understand, son. I just worry."_

_"What about?" Niner tried not to freeze. There was nothing to worry abut, absolutely nothing. He really did like Jalen, but that was – personal. And that wasn't the same as important._

_"You."_

_"Me?" Niner remembered to close his mouth. Of course Kal'buir cared. They were his sons, for longer than they were formally adopted. But usually he thought of that mostly as an abstract concept. Something applicable to other more than him. He didn't need being worried about. He was fine._

_Kal shook his head slightly. "You have been trying to work out something since your return. Never accepted any help either. Though I'm happy to see you finally start to recover."_

_He is not worried about Jalen. It was Niner's first thought though it should not have been. He doesn't suspect anything. He just worries I am not alright. But I am. Niner blinked with the realisation. He actually was._

_"I'm fine,_ buir _." It was not a lie and felt great. For the moment until the reason for it hit home._

 

 

 

_I shouldn't have come._

The words felt as if they hovered over his head, visible to anybody and certainly impossible to be ignored by Jalen. Niner fought the urge to hunch. Act normal, he told himself. Yes, he shouldn't have come, but it was too late for that.

He'd just have to make it short. Get it over before anything really started. Because there was nothing really to start. Jalen didn't even know him, didn't know the kind of man he was. And if he did, he wouldn't like it.

A liar.

And not just about small things, mostly not about small things. Small things mattered. Sometimes they were all you had. But he had faked them all and his life was an unhealthy mix of half-truths and adapted points of view. Nothing would hold up against a jury.

My name. Niner almost snorted. That was one thing against a million. And what was a name anyway? A thing of power. Used right it can make and break people, families, empires. But Niner didn't have a family and certainly not an empire. He had his  _aliit_ which was more than a family and worth any sacrifice.

So he would just get over with it. It wasn't as if he'd see Jalen again after they had moved everything. No need to protract it any. No reason at all. In the end he'd have to chose a side and that wasn't even a choice. Niner straightened his shoulders again.  _Aliit sol_ _'_ _yc._

Jalen rose as soon as he saw him come through the doors, his smile already burning pinpoint holes into the new-found resolution. It was a beautiful smile. Niner wanted to touch it. Stuffing his hands into his pockets was not an option, though.

"Niner! It's good to see you." Jalen held out a hand.

Niner immediately rationalised that by them being in a public space and noticed it only when he had done it, holding on to the other man's hand firmly. It occurred to him that he should have said something.

"Sorry," he murmured, "my mind is-"

"Clearly somewhere else." Jalen let go his hand after a small tug. "Maybe I should join it there. Let me just finish this," he indicated the file opened on his desk display, " and I'm all yours." He winked as he turned back to his work. "How does that sound?"

Too good, Niner thought, doing a very bad job of holding on to his resolution. Oh well, it would be the last visit for a long time. "Fine," he said out loud. There were worse things than watching Jalen work. A smile crept onto his lips unnoticed. Yes, there were very many worse things indeed.

"Now," Jalen typed a few last letters before shutting down the display. "I have kept you waiting unduly long and since you have watched me like dinner the whole time, I feel, I should offer you some."

No matter how Niner disentangled the sentence it came out wrong somehow. "Uh, thanks, but no. I didn't intend to stay that long."

"As you wish." Jalen shrugged half-hearted. "You can always change your mind while we go over the new timetables and routes."

Niner nodded. That would be about an hour. He could manage an hour.

Jalen breezed past him a little too close, leaving the touch of air on his skin and a warm whiff of aftershave.

Or maybe not. Niner sighed inwardly. He'd been in worse situations and he had succeeded. He'd master this one just as well. And now it wasn't just his squad on the line. The whole aliit was depending on him. Which might have been a very bad decision, he realised, inhaling deeply.

At least Jalen had already reached the big table set in the room. This meant, Niner did not stare at his ass any more because the other man had turned around. Niner wondered if that helped any. Resolutely, he pushed his eyes to the display of models. That was why he was here. That was his future. _That_ was the reason he had come.

An hour later Niner was still convinced that the reason he had come was the move from Mandalore to Krant and secretly back again. The reason he enjoyed it so much, though, was definitely Jalen. It was in and off itself probably not a problem, he kept telling himself.

It was alright to like people, even people that were not part of the clan. And it was perfectly understandable that he liked Jalen. Who was he trying to fool, really? He had _kissed_ that man. What kind of affection was that? Like?

And what made it worse was that he'd do it again. No questions asked. He had been very tight on his self-control to ensure it hadn't happened yet. So far he had won. But it didn't help that Jalen was using any kind of innuendo was a shameless tease. He probably thought the clone was playing hard-to-get when Niner tried not to be available at all. He was losing, too.

"Niner, my friend, something is clearly bothering you gravely," Jalen said as he escorted him back to his ship.

It pained Niner to see the other man this upset, but he didn't know how to explain it in a way that didn't make things worse. He couldn't stay because he was sure to give in to his own desires and that would bring so many complications. But telling Jalen the truth about the operation was out of the question now. What if everything broke apart now? It was unthinkable. No, he would have to hold out until the relocation was done.

"Niner?" Jalen's tone changed to deeper concern. "Is it something you can tell me?"

_No!_ Niner wanted to shout. _It is not. I wish it was, but I'd endanger my whole family by telling you. And I am sorry that you like me and that I like you and that nothing can come of it because Force knows this is hard._ He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

A hand settled between his shoulder blades, rubbing his back gently. "It's alright," Jalen continued. "I understand if you can't say. It's probably family business."

For a second Niner closed his eyes, waling in the darkness with Jalen's hand as anchor. Family. What was he going to tell Jalen about that. Something that was not all a lie. "One of my brothers went missing," he finally said. "With his infant son."

"Force, no!" Jalen's hand moved from his back around his shoulder.

The immediate sympathy still surprised Niner who was too used to having to earn everything. The arm around his shoulders was reassuring and also upsetting. He took a deep breath, pressing his index finger and thumb against his eyes shorty. "Yeah."

He didn't talk about it. Nobody talked about it much. Dar's flight stood in the room, towering over them with so many unspoken words. It was definitely one of the things where he should have done better. He should at least have been able to guess where Dar would go. They were brothers, they had been so close even when- Niner stopped that train of through before it ran into the familiar wall of pain.

Because he damn well missed Dar more than was sane. Even at his worst, closed into himself to fend of the anguish of Etain's death, even grappling with his place in the galaxy and the nature of the Jedi, even when they didn't speak but on business, Dar had been his brother, closer than even Atin and Fi if such a thing was possible. He needed to think of something else.

"You will find him," Jalen said softly. He tightened his hold as if that would protect Niner somehow. "They will be back."

"Yeah." Niner took a ragged breath. It was so very tempting to just give in and seek comfort with Jalen who already had one arm around him. He tried to shake it off. "And while almost all of us were out looking fro him, somebody tried to break into our house."

It was not quite what Rede had done, though from a certain point of view, that was exactly it. Broke into the family, abused the trust he had been granted. Trust Niner had granted. Trust he should not have been given. But that was a pain easier to bear than Dar hauling shebs.

"It doesn't rain but it pours." Jalen pulled the clone a little closer, synchronising their steps. "I understand you want to get back home, Niner. How did that end?"

"Not too bad." Niner wondered if there was a place he could put his arm that was neutral territory and not around Jalen's waist. He came to no conclusion, but having it dangle awkwardly between them didn't feel like a solution either. "Two of my sisters-in-law were still home. They took care of it."

"Your family is surely tough."

Niner thought about it. They were. Even the add-ons were hard women or became so fast. Jilka was the only exception so far, but Corr would be taking care of that most likely. Being hard was what made you survive, in the galaxy and in the clan. The image of Jalen and Aileen amid his _aliit_ worried Niner fr a split second before he could dismiss it as never going to happen anyway.

"Yeah." Niner felt that he got his bearings back pretty much again. Not thinking of Dar was imperative.

They came to a halt, finding a crowd milling around before the gates to the landing platforms. Niner scanned it for signs of hostility, but there was mostly confusion and thwarted purpose. He saw Jalen flip open his wrist comm.

"It's a strike," the other said a moment later. The Union of Air and Space Controllers demands better working conditions and higher pay. Again."

"Strike?" Niner knew the concept and also knew that it was an efficient tool to cause a temporary lock-down of a location. Hell, he had caused a few during his career. What did anybody win, implementing this here and now? "How long?" he asked, not taking his eyes off the crowd.

"Not long after you have arrived," Jalen replied consulting the comm. "Oh, you mean how long they intend to keep it? One shift minimum, current consensus is two."

"How long is a shift?"

"Eight hours."

Niner stared at Jalen. Eight hours. Make that sixteen. "I need to be going!" The slight desperation in his voice was not faked.

"So does everybody else you can see here." Jalen sighed. "I am sorry, Niner, I really am. But I have seen strikes like this before. After two shifts everything goes back to normal."

"But-" Niner had no idea how to turn that into a sentence that would change anything. Because it couldn't. He was not in the military any longer. He could not pull rank, he could not call on spec ops he could not blaze a trail of rubble as he left.

"I'm afraid you're stuck." To his credit, Jalen actually sounded sad. "I am sorry."

Niner took a deep breath. "I need to call – everybody."

"You do that." Jalen began to steer the clone away from the crowd. "And set up a life feed on the strike. They'll let you know as soon as it's over."

Nodding, Niner proceeded to do just that. Which left only one question.

"Look," Jalen made a vague gesture. "I know you're uncomfortable for some reason and though I'd really, really love to, I won't pry." He raised his hands in surrender. "I just wanted to offer you a place to stay. Aileen would be delighted and you never made good on the second invitation you accepted."

Niner swallowed. It was as he had feared.

"I am not even suggesting you stay longer than dinner," it was admirable how Jalen managed to avoid the expression 'Stay the night' with all its complicated implications. "There's a number of good hotels around. I'll recommend you some."

This is what it came down to, Niner realised. He was stuck. He was to stay and it was completely up to him where he spent his time. Or who with. "Let me make the calls first." He was playing for time and he knew it. So did Jalen, judging by the look on his face. Niner wondered if the other man also knew how futile this was. He hoped not.

He called Bevin voice-only, asking him and Lance to take over the shift at the space depot. They acknowledges without even asking. It was frustrating to see how slowly they lost their unthinking dependence. He called Ordo and Jaing also voice-only. He called Kal who showed unrestricted sympathy and cursed unions in general ans air controllers in specific. Then he told Niner to just enjoy the break as he couldn't do anything about it anyway.

"Anything you need, son?"

Niner shook his head. "I'm fine."

"You always are, _ad'ika_. It's worrisome."

Niner smiled. He couldn't tell Kal half of it. Not with Jalen standing but a few paces off and note at all because you didn't go ahead and betrayed your family like that. It was not as if there was a chance to include the Tavers in the clan.

"On the up-side, Tera has finished her theoretical part of the degree. Nothing like an upcoming celebrating, right?"

"That's great, _Kal'buir_." Almost there. "I will take good care of me and enjoy the break. Promise."

"Good lad."

Niner stared at the silent comm for a moment. His heart was racing and it was no because he could feel Jalen approach and stand just a little too close. They had the cure. In theory only so far, but he had seen Tera and Qail at work. It would be only a matter of time until they made things work. And then- He stared into the distance. They would all have a whole life.

"Ready? The last sounded like good news."

"It is." Niner knew he was grinning at Jalen like a madman, but he couldn't help it. "Very good news. And I guess, I'd be a bad person for letting Aileen down like that."

Jalen gave him a speculation look. "There's one question I need to ask, though before we go," he said in the end. "What about me?"

Niner looked at the ground between them. It was not a question he cared to answer. But he would not get around it. Not this time. And somehow he didn't feel like avoiding it. Maybe things were better with the truth out. Or some part of it. "I don't know what to say."

"You know what's going on inside our head," Jalen insisted gently. "You cans tart with that."

"I don't know anything, Jalen. Okay?", Niner rammed his fists into the pockets of his jacket. "I don't know what I am doing, where I am headed and what any of this is going to end like. And I am liking you more than I should and I don't want to-" Niner shook his head, "I think, I'll just end up hurting you. So I'd better stay off."

Jalen just looked at him. He did not laugh, which would have been bad, or object, which might have been only slightly better. He just looked at Niner, his thought hidden behind a face that was an open book at any other time. Finally he took Niner's elbow and began to lead the clone away. "You know, I once started to tell you about my wife? Kajica?"

Niner fell into step easily. It was scary and comforting. He made no attempt to remove his hand from Jalen's when it wandered down from his elbow, interlacing their fingers. After all he was still here. And he knew himself at least, even if he was not the best judge of character otherwise.

"How long ago did she die?" It seemed to be an innocent enough question for starters.

"Three years now," Jalen sounded wistful. "It's so short and so long. Aileen doesn't even remember her much any more."

"I am sorry."

"I know you are. But by now, I am alright." Jalen turned to smile at the clone. "It's not as if I didn't see that coming. She was doing, how did she phrase it?" He unlocked the speeder and they climbed in. "Ah, yes. Behind the lines reconnaissance. "

"Spying."

"That would be the shirt version," Jalen laughed. "But man, you should have seen her. Kajica was amazing. Her self-confidence clobbered you just as bad as her humour." For a moment he rested both hands on the steering wheel, staring out with a happy grin on his face.

"She could clobber you any other way she wanted, actually." They took off. "Highly trained and specialised military. I have no idea how I even came across her, much less what she saw in me. But you know what?" He turned to Niner for a moment before returning his attention back to the traffic. "it worked. For whatever reasons. We were happy."

"And what did you do after she died?"

"Nothing. Everything." He sighed with a smile. "I raged, I resigned, I neglected Aileen. And she had lost a mother. There were days I didn't care and days I might just have orphaned her. It was all very selfish."

"You must have loved her a lot."

"I did. I really did. That made it so hard." Jalen smiled. "But sooner or later I had to snap out of it, not only because Aileen but also because Kajica would have had my hide over her bunk if I had kept moping forever."

"You did not."

"No, I didn't." Jalen laughed short and hard. "It took some time to work things out."

"How did you do it?" Niner remembered losing Sev, DD and O-Four. Not that he had been given any time to actually deal with it. In the end he had just dealt by trying to take better care of his new squad. And he had.

He could see a different smile crept onto the dark lips. "I dealt with it very physically."

Somehow Niner doubted that Jalen referred to exercising.

"It started out simple enough, trying to scratch an itch that wasn't really physical. But I thought maybe I could numb myself for long enough to forget that it wasn't really the sex I missed. It became something like an addiction and the more foreign the better." Jalen sighed.

"By the time I had come to accept that Kajica was gone and no amount of sleeping around would bring her back, it had become normal. I didn't even think about reverting to my former habits, restricting myself to just one thing. So that's what I like now, male, female, aliens to which the distinction doesn't apply. Everybody."

"That sounds-"

"Gross?"

"No." Niner shook his head slowly. "More like Mereel."

"Who's that?"

"One of my brothers."

"You seem to have very many brothers," Jalen seemed happy enough to change the subject. "Were you hatched from eggs?"

"Something like that." Niner was not sure if the joke didn't hurt or he was just too good at not showing it.

Jalen laughed again, sounding relieved for reasons Niner was not sure he understood. "Anyway, what I was trying to say, Kajica was working behind enemy lines so it was only to be expected that she got herself killed some day. Not that that could keep me form loving her like there was no tomorrow. In the end there wasn't. But the difference between the pain when she died and not loving her were many years of happiness. It didn't help when she died, of course. Not immediately."

Jalen parked the speeder, killing the engine. "And that, my friend, is why it really doesn't matter. If you hurt me or if I hurt you. Who knows what will happen? And," he leaned over, running his fingers along Niner's face, "there is no such thing as liking too much."

Niner felt his mouth open almost automatically with Jalen's thumb running over his lips, but he stopped short before actually doing anything. Jalen was kind and he didn't know that it was inevitable that Niner would hurt him. Just by being here now. By being a liar and unable to tear himself away. By actually wanting to give this a try even if things were doomed to fail.

He took Jalen's hand, staring at the long fingers for a moment before looking into the dark eyes that watched him intently. "You realise, though, that all hotels around are already booked out?"

The smile rising over Jalen's features was worth it. "I had been picturing myself as knight in shining armour when you found out. But this works as well."

"Jalen," Niner stopped just short of getting out of the speeder. "I have no idea where this is going."

Neither do I." Jalen grinned. "Isn't that exciting?"

Exciting was not the word Niner would have chosen. But he let it slip as he made his way towards the front door. A high-pitched squeal announced that Aileen had been watching them from somewhere.

"She really does like you," Jalen, said. "Which is definitely an advantage no matter where we might be going."

Before Niner could reply anything to that, Aileen was upon them. And it felt like coming home, undeservedly and unfairly so. Niner whirled the child through the air before settling down on his hip. "So what have you been up to?"

The evening went pretty much like the last one Niner had been there. A gracious exception was that instead of listening to Aileen's explanations about Orko the Orange Ormi, Niner was talking to Shaleea and Jalen.

"Oh don't you think twice about it," Shaleea said. "Jalen's friends are always welcome."

Niner did not think about that statement twice. He could not stake a claim and intended to leave Jalen at the same time. Well, obviously his mind could, but he'd be damned if he listened to it. Aileen did not shut up until he tucked her in for the night and read her a story. Niner had rarely been so grateful for Dar's patience with him. He did have a story or two to tell.

When he returned to the living area, Shaleea had already gone to bed. He sat down beside Jalen, doing his best not to think. But the other man seemed content just to sit there and stare at the blank holonet display.

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"Putting Aileen to bed."

"It's not as if I got to do something like that every day." Niner sighed and leant back. "She's a great kid. You're doing a great job raising her."

"You really think so?"

"Yes." Niner turned to look at the profile of Jalen. It was striking, though he was at a loss of words as to why. Probably because of the man hiding behind it, he thought. Other than that, it was a profile like many. The distinctly different turn of the nose which he never could spent much time on as his gaze was pulled down to the mouth. Those lush lips, a gracious plenty and wealth squandered on one man. You could easily have have shared it out between two, maybe three men if you took the tight-lipped variant like Sergeant Vau.

The soaring line of the forehead with its gentle curve was not to be seen from this angle. Niner reached out, running his hand along the hairline to ascertain it was still there.

"What am I ever going to do with you, Niner my friend?" Jalen reached out to curl his hand around his neck.

"I don't know," Niner admitted. "Does it matter?"

There was a short laugh from Jalen as he sat up. "Does it?" His eyes held the clone in place. "Tell me, Niner."

Instead of an answer Niner bent forwards to kiss those lips that had been taunting him the whole day. He sighed in release when he met no resistance, feeling the anxiousness of the day drain away. It seemed to take only a heartbeat until Jalen's lips opened, allowing him to explore freely. Niner leant forwards, feeling his heart beat faster against Jalen's chest. Maybe it didn't matter. Maybe it never would.

It seemed to take forever, feeling the shape of Jalen's shoulders through the shirt that distorted the curves ever so slightly. Also, Niner could not let go. There was always another inch of almost skin, another twist in the path of his hands that changed with the way Jalen tasted.

He recognised sheer desire even if he wasn't sure how that would play out in the end. He touch of nimble hands on him made Nine feel certain it would end well. Maybe better than that. Slender fingers found their way down his back and below the waistband.

Niner took a moment to pull back, gazing at the fires lit in Jalen's eyes, running his hands over the other man's short hair and smooth skin as if unbelieving he was really there and also entitled to do so. A more enterprising hands found its way under Jalen's shirt. Niner could feel the ribs under the warm skin, pressing his palm against skin not his own.

He entertained the idea of simply straddling Jalen and pushing the very useless piece of cloth over his head. It seemed as good a plan as any including the prospect of trailing his own mouth down Jalen's throat. For the moment he didn't do anything though, as Jalen had taken the same route already. His tongue tickled slowly across Niner's skin, pooling in the shallow dent where his shoulder and throat met.

Niner let out a small moan as the teeth grazed on, skipping gently over his Adam's Apple and down towards his chest. There Jalen pulled back, on hand resting over the clone's heart, the other having found a resting place much lower, its thumb resting in the joint of leg and body, dangerously close to more private parts.

"This isn't quite the right place."

"Right. Right." The living room came back into focus as Niner sat back, keeping hold of Jalen's hand, intertwining their fingers.

"You worry too much, Niner, my friend." Jalen's free hand caressed the clone's face. "Life doesn't happen on schedule. Just let it happen."

Niner gazed into the dark eyes that were trained on him, trying to find the clues in those words. But his mind seemed to preoccupied to do so. Before he came to a conclusion a small voice cut into their silence.

"Papa?"

Both men turned their heads as one. Aileen stood in the doorway wide-eyed, clutching her orange Ormi plushie. Niner felt deeply grateful that the child had arrived only now and even more grateful that Jalen had kept just this possibility in mind. Again, the failure was his. He should be thinking more.

"Yes, love?"

"There is a monster under my bed."

"Again?"

Aileen just nodded.

"They never learn, do they?" Jalen got up, then he seemed to remember Niner. "This will take a while.

Now that was a hint Niner got. Looking from the man he would rather have his hands on to the frightened child, he understood the decision perfectly. It hurt, that he could not offer to kill it as he was good at killing, but that would be blowing his cover. He'd rather- Niner half nodded, half shook his head. It even felt weird.

"Go and make the world a safer place," he heard himself say. "There is no place for monsters here."

Once again, Jalen's smile was worth it. Finding approval from the tall man was more important than it should. It also felt better than it should. Though other things would also have felt better than they should. Still, try as he might, Niner could not find it in himself to be actually grateful for the interruption.

After watching Jalen pick up his daughter and carrying her back to bed, Niner just sat for a while. He had nothing to do. There was nothing new on the feed of the strike. He had done his best to enjoy the break as Kal had ordered. And this is what he had come to.

With a sigh he got up. It was probably just as well. Where would he be taking this anyway? The moment they had finished their guarded move, he would be out of Jalen's life. It would be better not to be entrenched too deep. And there was no guarantee it would work out anyway. Well, there never was, but there were a lot of set-up more promising than this.

_You're living a lie_ , he told himself. _Don't even start to believe it._

His room was nice. Furnished with a low bed, a desk and a cupboard. Niner wondered if there would have been place for him to store things in it. Not that he needed to. He stared at the dark wooden doors for a while.

He sat down on the bed, looking around. The stars were visible through the one-sidedly tinted glass of the window, decorative curtains hung on each side, no use whatsoever, but their light green giving the room some colour. Potted plants stood on the window sill. It looked like a room people lived in. It was alien.

But for the night it was his. Niner stretched out and tried to find sleep. The _shabuir_ was strangely elusive, though. Maybe it were the homely sounds of silence emanating from a home not his. Maybe it was the idea of Jalen sleeping somewhere close by, of the trim chest rising and falling gently. Maybe it was just that his emotions would not sort themselves out. That no matter how he looked at his situation, he had been handed the short end of the stick.

Nothing new there. He turned over. So far his life had been full of short ends, more than he would ever admit to, most likely. He stared at the faint pattern of the wallpaper. He wasn't sure if he had been asleep. It didn't really feel so. He was still chasing his own thoughts, still staring at the wall, still more restless than unrested. Niner sighed. He turned over, staring at the ceiling for a change.

There was nothing to do. At home he could have done any number of things. He would not have stayed in bed once he realised he couldn't sleep. But he didn't feel like wandering about Jalen's home. Niner closed his eyes. After a while he put an arm over them. He turned again, staring into the room. Finally he sat up. Among all the chaos a feeling had come up, he could do something about.

Thirst.

Still he took a moment to consider how much redressing leaving his room would require. Boxers and his shirt, should do, he decided. There was likely nobody awake. But on the off-chance of running into anybody, he'd rather be decent. The last thing people want to find in their home in the middle of the night was a naked commando. He pulled the shirt over his head feeling what he had imagined 'rumpled' would mean.

The kitchen was just a door down and despite the unfamiliar surroundings the soft light filtering through the half darkened windows was enough to let him find his way. For reason he couldn't put a name on, Niner felt it would be intruding if he turned on the light. He had just made it half-way back through the kitchen, when Jalen entered who had no such qualms.

Niner mad sure he had both hands around the glass as he blinked his night vision goodbye. The sight of the other man was quite something. Compared to the men Niner had spent his life with so far, Jalen was lean, everything about him looked long and well-shaped. His off-red boxers were to tight too leave much to imagination.

Niner's took off anyway as Jalen sauntered over to the sink to pour himself a glass of water as well. "I didn't take you for the kind that couldn't sleep in new places," he said, leaning back against the sink and taking a sip.

"Commercial environments are different," Niner replied, still keeping both hands carefully against the cool glass. Soft reflections highlighted Jalen's shape with small pools of diffuse light. The bright smile seemed to hang in the air of its own volition. "I am not used to suburban set-ups. They don't feel safe."

At that Jalen laughed, a sound that sent shivers through Niner. He was tempted to blame the cool air and his lack of shirt but failed. "My friend, you surely are quite weird." Jalen pushed himself off the sink and strode towards Niner on those long legs. "What am I going to do with you?"

Niner had a lot of ideas, most of them half-baked. So he shrugged with an apologetic smile on his lips. Manuals were all very well, but he doubted that what he had seen would be of much help to him in this situation. Faced with the tall man so close that he could feel the heat emanating from his body, Niner finally dragged his right from the comforting security of the glass and laid it over Jalen's heart. In his mind, the hand was already wandering up the smooth skin, slipping around the curve of the shoulder and down the arm.

"Now this might get you into trouble." Jalen's voice dropped to a low growl as he slipped his fingers around Niner's. "In the kitchen of a suburban environment housing a child."

"Right." Niner snapped himself out of his trance. "Right. I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking." The clone tried to take a step backwards, but Jalen's fingers still held on to his hand and the dark eyes had his captured.

"Well, well, is that the truth then?" Without taking his eyes off Niner, Jalen turned the clone around and began to herd him out of the kitchen. "Because I think I know what you were thinking." He let out a low chuckle. "And maybe I have been thinking the same thing."

Niner was acutely aware of Jalen walking half a step behind him, his hand resting on his back and following, as it were into the guest room. Jalen closed the door behind them and before the clone could object, picked the glass from his hand and put it down on the windowsill next to his own.

When he returned, he planted himself before Niner. "Think again my friend." He replaced the clones hand on his chest. "But maybe be a little more tactile about it this time."

Niner could feel Jalen's heart beat under his palm, slow and steady. He wondered how much the racing of his own heart was due to the situation and how much due to the accelerated ageing. He decided that it did not matter much. The skin under his fingers was soft and warm. As in his mind, his hand slowly made its way up Jalen's chest, following the curve of his shoulder and down the endless expanse of his arm.

He ended up holding the long-fingered hand in his own. _What now?_ For all the time he spent thinking about this possibility, he found he had no real idea of what to do.

_Don't forget yourself in this_ , a voice echoed in his head. _What do_ you _want?_

Niner scrutinised the hand for a moment before placing its palm against his cheek. Yes, that was definitely good. After a moments consideration, he sucked the tip of the thumb between his lips, running his tongue over it. Definitely good, too.

Jalen let out a long, low breath and Niner cold feel his other hand sneaking around his hip, over the small of his back and up his spine. Closing his eyes, the clone savoured the deluge of tingling that sent through his whole body.

Since Jalen's mouth wasn't tied up with Niner's it slipped slowly down the clones throat. Niner let go of the captured thumb with a soft moan when Jalen reached the spot where his shoulder met the throat, his head rolling back.

Jalen took the opportunity to send his tongue teasing over the Adam's Apple and throat presented to him. He pushed his hands down the clones back, pulling him closer to himself. The tension throbbing between them was unmistakable.

Niner decided that if there had ever been a moment to survey Jalen's back and shoulders it was now. Not that the smooth skin of chest and sides did not feel enticing under his palms. And the mouth exploring his, not to mention any other inch of him it could reach, was leaving him even more breathless than his own excursions.

With a reluctant moan he pulled free, putting his right over Jalen's heart again. The soft light was glinting in dark eyes watching him with hungry interest. Licking his lips, the clone, ran his hand down the long torso, stepping around the other man as he did so. His fingers played with the hem of those off-red boxers.

Niner ran his hands up the shoulder blades, digging his thumbs into the small of Jalen's neck. Massaging the sensitive spot for a while, he felt his skin pressed against Jalen's back. As his mouth began to trail its own exploration along the soft curves, his hands made their way down the slender chest. His thumbs felt each rib as it went by, some accented with his teeth grazing over a protruding cervical.

Finally, his hands slipped down under the waistband of Jalen's boxers, taking a moment to explore the joint of leg and torso before cupping the balls and half-hard. Jalen laid back his head and groaned softly against his cheek as Niner's fingers moved gently but with inquisitive determination.

Kissing in this position was not easy, but they managed somehow until Jalen's hands took hold of Niner's butt, pulling his hips close. The ensuing friction was more distracting than the slow evolution of Jalen's cock in his hands.

Despite the definite foreignness in his hands, he had some experience handling that. And, as cautions application of existing knowledge showed, the effects seemed to be similar enough. Niner relaxed a little. With his own hard-on pressed tightly against Jalen's backside, he didn't really know how this would work out for him, but he knew at least one way to make it worth Jalen's time.

For a split second Niner wondered how bruises would show up on skin this dark before he gave in to the temptation of leaving a row of possibly visible hickeys down Jalen's shoulder.

In return Jalen twisted around in his embrace, setting to work on his own trail of teasing along the light skin, taking care to follow the scars highlighting it in an even paler shade. He removed the shirt with practised ease that made Niner hesitate for a second. But then the warm hands reached his waist, pushing at his shorts with diligent fingers.

There was a strange second when the sensitive skin of his erection came up against the curls and hard-on of Jalen, but a fraction of movement turned the strangeness into desire. Niner didn't know exactly what he wanted, but he was sure, Jalen would know how to handle it.

"You might want to sit down for this." Jalen gently pushed against his shoulders.

Niner yielded, sitting down on the edge of the bed with the other man kneeling down between his legs. The sight of those dark eyes running rampant with fiery highlights made him reach out and pull Jalen close for another deep kiss.

Bending over backwards, Niner felt the weight of Jalen come to rest on his chest. It was followed by his hands and lips, moving down his torso slowly. He thought he had been prepared for everything. But when Jalen's mouth closed around the tip of him, Niner realised how wrong he had been as he let out a long moan. He was glad he was sitting down already because he was certain his legs would have given out under him. The unexpected suction made him want to bury his hands in Jalen's hair but the tight curls made that impossible. Simply holding on to his head didn't help.

How come this had never featured in any education, he thought. And how much of this was he expected to take? And was it worth losing his _aliit_ over? Niner had to admit that, no it wasn't, not in and of itself, but with Jalen at the other end of the equation, eloquently removing any coherent thought. Niner let out a low growl. With Jalen at the other end of the equation it might just be worth everything he ever knew and held dear.

It was not a realisation he cared for, but one he couldn't deny and way far away from even trying to, feeling the tongue that had seemed so smooth against his raking over him relentlessly. Niner's fingers began to knead the gently moving shoulders before him which didn't help at all either, but actually seemed to make things worse. Almost detached he felt Jalen's hands move up along his sides, squeezing against his ribs, fingernails scratching over his nipples. Niner inhaled sharply and his world exploded in a surprisingly violent if utterly satisfactory way.

He found himself gazing at the ceiling, Jalen's hands, more real on his skin now, followed by his mouth on a slow ascend. Niner tried to pull the other man up against him while sitting up at the same time. The manoeuvre did not really work out but enabled another long kiss. It was salty, tangy and tasted of desire.

Niner could feel Jalen hard against the skin of his thigh and it took only a little prompting to get the other man to stand up. _What do you want?_ The words circled through his head. _What do you want?_ Faced with a fully erect Jalen, Niner decided that he certainly wanted some of that. He'd work things out on the way.

A low groan rewarded his decision to slip his lips around the prominently protruding body part. He found that pushing down all skin as he moved in worked well. Sucking it up over the tip when he moved back worked well, too. The sideways approach did not work well and teeth were difficult. Teeth were easier when he curled his own lips around them. Running his tongue around Jalen's tip under the skin of his foreskin worked perfectly well.

Additionally, Jalen had a fine butt to hold on to. Not to mention that he could close the fingers of one hand around the balls, hidden bald under tight curls and with no way out. His efforts were generally received with moans of pleasure. Niner could feel hands gripping his hair tight now and couldn't help smiling. He had been in there. It was a good place to be.

Niner was so engrossed in trying out ways to taste Jalen, that the sudden thrust exploding in his mouth took him by surprise. He swallowed automatically, tasting some of the salt and tang that had been in their last kiss.

Jalen toppled him gently and they tumbled onto the mattress. Sorting out their limbs took longer than necessary, mostly because Niner was unwilling to let go even of those that were not his own. There was so much more to feel suddenly, now that a pressure was gone he hadn't even noticed had been there.

"Keep that up, big boy," Jalen murmured against his skin, "and you won't get any sleep this night."

It wasn't a threat that scared Niner at all, though.


	11. Chapter 11

_Niner felt strangely comfortable, waking up in a bed not his, against a man not his brother. He inhaled deeply, the different scent filling him like glitterstim._

_Opening an eye, the clone found himself looking at one of Jalen's shoulders. The impossible curve of it irresistible as ever. He took it in for a long while, simply watching the early morning light resting on it gently, half of it absorbed, half unwilling to let go and a fraction reflecting from the thin film of sweat._

_Without thinking, he raised his head and dragged his tongue over the expanse of smooth skin, making the wet surface sparkle with reflections. The taste of Jalen was intoxicating._

_He could almost hear the soft voice growl at him, "Niner, my friend, what are you doing there?" By now Niner was somewhat sure he knew that. It had been quite an educational stay so far. He leant down again and let his lips trail inwards across the shoulder, down the collarbone and, unable to resist a nip here and there, up Jalen's throat again._

_When he began his descent along the jawline a hand crawled up the nape of his neck, burying in his hair and pulling him down. Down against the smiling lips of of Jalen, lush, yielding and just waiting to be kissed._

_"Are you sure you haven't done this before?" Jalen teased._

_"I think I would remember that," Niner replied, not even noticing._

_"You can be so oblivious, Niner." Jalen cupped his cheek with one hand. "I really would not put it beyond you."_

_Turning his head, the clone let his tongue wander long the lines of Jalen's palm. It seemed the logical thing to do. Everything was, when it concerned Jalen. He could not help smiling. "It is somewhat different from what I expected," he finally said._

_"What did you expect?"_

_"I don't know. With women everything seems to be rather straightforward, though."_

_"Niner, my friend, with that attitude you are all geared up to be womankind's greatest letdown."_

_Niner liked how Jalen said 'my friend', putting even more meaning into it than 'vod' ever managed to hold. He was not sure whether to ask or not. Somehow the prospect of discussing how to properly lay a woman with Jalen held little appeal. He was about to say he hoped not to be a disappointment but held back. He had disappointed enough men in the recent past and did not feel ready to hear that._

_Niner also liked how J alen's fingers were buried in his hair, tugging ever so softly. _

 

 

He had to tell him. And he would. It was what Niner kept telling himself. Next time. Next time around he'd get around to telling Jalen. No doubt.

But each time he failed to do so. It was not the lack of opportunity. It was not that it slipped his mind when confronted with the dazzling smile of his lover.

Lover.

It was a strange word and a strange relationship, built on feet of clay. Niner knew it was simply that he didn't want to endanger it. He wanted to keep Jalen for as long as he could. Even if each day he kept lying could only make the other man angrier in the end.

He'd leave Niner anyway.  Niner was doing something  unforgivable , doing it knowingly, consistently and with only a modicum of regret. Regret that was mostly focussed on losing Jalen in the end. He really had to tell him. Soon.

And now this.

How would he ever go about explaining any of it away. Two weeks sick, fine, Tera had had his back and it was true enough to hold up when he met Jalen in person. Niner wondered if it would be any different. Sometimes he was sure the world had suddenly a different taste. And sometimes he wondered if anything had changed at all.

He had, his body had. He felt less peckish, more like sleeping. He smiled, thinking of a lazy morning with Jalen, the early light grazing their skin. He wondered if Jalen automatically did breakfast duty for Aileen when Shaleea had visitors. It felt like a good arrangement.

" _An jate_?" Bevin broke through his musings.

Niner looked at the approaching man. He had adapted slower than anticipated, or maybe just differently than expected. Like his brothers, Bevin didn't like unpredictable situations. He was good at making things go according top plan as a result. With him and Lance at his disposal, the task of moving around so much materials that not even Jalen could keep track of what went where had been easy. Another small betrayal.

"Will be," he replied. The surrounding forest was still foreign. Niner wondered if he should even bother to familiarise himself with it. They wouldn't stay long and he would leave even sooner.

"You don't have to go through with it," Bevin offered. "Tavers and Tavers, I mean," he elaborated when Niner didn't reply. "You can stay well away. Let Lance and me handle it."

Niner sighed. He was obviously easy to see through. Then he shook his head. "I can't."

"Thought so."

He glanced at the clone leaning against the wall next to him. He looked incredibly young, even for somebody with life experience as limited as Niner's. Of course he was. Bevin, Lance, Riye, Sal – Centax grown in two years, flash trained and let loose to be cannon fodder like real tinnies. They were not grown with a focus on independent thought. They could make the step, though, given the opportunity.

_Maybe that is all we ever need,_ Niner thought, _a chance_. The opening in your life where you could aspire to who you really could be. Ho many of them would you be granted? And what happened if you let one go?

"Why?" He finally asked Bevin.

"Hunch?" He grinned. "You're awfully balanced when you were visiting him, very complete."

It was a strange way to describe it, but uncomfortably fitting. Niner managed a lopsided grin. It was difficult to hide something in a community as close as this. And one full of men that were apt at reading each other in armour or out. He sighed.

"You wanna save him, that Tavers guy."

"If I could."

"Niner, _ner vod_ , you're thick as the wall behind us." Bevin laughed. "I've been grown for two months, trained for two years to fall dead over my brothers within two minutes. And yet, here I am. Here we are, making plans for years upon years of future. Don't tell me what we can and cannot do."

"But-"

"But, what? What can happen? Scared Skirata will disown you?" Bevin turned and shook Niner gently. "The old sod loves you, all of you even us and he has no clue who we are. He'd never!"

Niner looked down. _Kal'buir_ was only one of his concerns. "I disappointed him."

"So what?" Bevin stared at him until Niner looked up. "So has he-"

"He could never-"

"He feels he did. Come on, _Nin'ika_! Look around! All of your brothers happy as the day is long with their wives and families. And then there's you."

"And Darman."

"Oh Skirata feels he let down Darman as well. Doesn't mean he can't feel he failed you as well."

"But he didn't."

"Did, if you don't manage to snag a happy family."

Niner paused to think about it. Not that it would work like that. But there was a tiny sliver of hope maybe somewhere at the horizon. "My squad-"

"Would kick your arse out of the house and right into the ship if they knew." Bevin let go and leant against the wall again. "They care for you as much as mine care for me, or almost as much. You'd never hear the end of it.

"You deserve a shot a happiness, Niner," Bevin said softly. "You did good with me and Lance. You're a good man."

If only. Niner didn't say it loud.

"And you're not alone, _Nin'ika_. Me and Lance, you can count on us any time. And one word from us, Riye and Sal, too. We're family."

" _Vor'e, ner vod_."

"Think about it." Bevin clapped a hand down on Niner's shoulder and left, giving him time to think.

The commando stared ahead, almost not seeing the leaves and branches in the riot of colour. It was true. They could look after Jalen and his family, it wasn't a big job. Just make sure that Death Watch didn't do any damage when they showed up. Make sure they had no reason to return.

Not that it would make Jalen any happier about the lies Niner had heaped on him. But a silver lining was a silver lining. And even if Jalen hated him for the rest of their lives, at least he'd be alive to do that for decades to come. That was worth something. Niner snorted to himself. No, it was worth a lot more than that.

++++++++++++++++++++++

It was not a conversation Niner was keen to have. But it was an inevitable conversation to have still. The clone hesitated for a moment. He could still call off the whole thing. He hadn't told Kal why he wanted to talk. He could – lie. By now Niner knew he was very good with that.

No. It was enough that he had lied to Jalen and that would stop right there. Death Watch might need a little prompting to find them, but he would not endanger Jalen and his family. Not more than they already had. The image of Aileen bouncing down the steps of the front porch and right into an armoured figure stacked with weapons was enough to get his resolve back.

Just a child. Just civilians. Just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Innocent. More so than anybody in his _aliit_. Niner felt like a traitor. That he was doing this willingly, just for the chance to feel that small hand with its usually sticky fingers into his did not make it better. Thoughts about long, slender fingers slipping other places were securely banned for the time being.

"Come in _ad'ika_." Kal offered him a chair. There were nuts, cakes and sweet soda on the table. This would not be an easy conversation.

Niner took a deep breath. " _Kal'buir_." He didn't know how to continue.

"Out with it." It was a good-natured order, but the order part got Niner nevertheless.

"I will go and protect Tavers and his family." Not a question. Not a plan to be approved. Just stating the course his future would follow.

Skirata sat back, scrutinising him with a frown. "Why?"

Niner looked at the arguments he had lined up preparation and found them scrambling off in all directions. They had been over this. This had been over. And yet here he was. "I can't leave them to Death Watch," he said. "They have done nothing to deserve it. They have only been good to us."

"We cannot protect everybody we come into contact with," Kal replied. "Sometimes collateral damage happens. That doesn't make it nice. But we must do what we have to do to stay safe."

"We can stay safe and keep Tavers safe, too." Niner insisted.

"Why should we?" Kal shook his head. "I understand that it is not ideal, but if we start to protect everybody in for a bad turn, we'd never get to the end of it."

"They are not everybody, Kal." Niner was not sure if admitting to his relationship to Jalen would improve matters or make them worse. In general, Kal was more lenient where beloved were concerned. And children. That softness seemed to be ingrained in his genetic make-up.

"Who are they then? Tell me why they are special, _ad'ika_."

There was no way around it. Niner had tried all arguments before. And the last time they had come to a head about it, Niner had almost walked out on _Kal'buir_. He hadn't though. Because what had there been for him to walk to? And what would there be now, once he told Jalen the truth?

Nothing.

It didn't matter. What did matter was keeping Jalen safe, keeping Aileen safe and Shaleea. Make sure they'd be alive to resent him. And Kal was resenting him already. A little longer of that would not hurt much more than it did anyway. "I have come to care for them deeply."

"More than for your family?"

"Different," Niner shirked the decision. Then he closed his eyes for a moment. "But yes, like family."

"But from how you described them, they are unlikely to fit into the _aliit_ , even if they wanted."

"Yes." There was a long silence, crowded with the unspoken option that had been un-thought-of until now. Niner kept still.

"Are you sure about this?"

Niner looked into the lined face of the only man he had ever known for a father. It was a question he had been asking himself for a while now. The answer stayed basically the same with changing amounts of guilt attached in either direction. Guilt betraying _Kal'buir_ like this. Guilt betraying Jalen. Guilt betraying his brothers. Guilt about likely feeling guilt in all the wrong places.

That he would not get around to disappointing Kal again in the long run was not making things any better. Given a choice, he closed his eyes again briefly, given a choice he'd make good on the heavy silence. "Yes," finally replied.

"We need you here."

"No, no you don't." Niner felt like a traitor again, but he had no right side to be on. "Look at it Kal, look at the _aliit_. You have enough people to man a small fort and that is what this is about isn't it? But Tavers has nobody. We crashed his life. He did what he could, more than that. Did it for me."

Niner hesitated, unsure again of how much to say. "He didn't have to, Kal. Not half the time, not half as good, but he did. And in return we are going to throw him and his family to the dogs. Because we are more important."

"Yes." It was a simple answer and one that was true time and again. This was his family. This was more important.

"No."

"You are putting them before us?" The question was put to him deceptively soft.

"No," Niner said. There was no other reply. Not to start with. "I am putting them in a safe place. You have more manpower and fire-power here than you will need against all of Death Watch. I can do only limited good here. I can save them, Kal. _Save_ them. And nobody else will."

"For good reasons."

It was the second time Niner felt like physically striking Skirata. The first time being when they had had this conversation before. "Is this who we are then? Letting good people go to waste because they are of no more use to us? If they will not join us, they can perish?"

" _Aliit solyc_ ," Kal said. "It what keeps us strong. It's what keeps us alive."

"But I can save them."

"You don't even know if they are a target."

"They are the trail we left, Kal. Of course they are a target." The idea that even now Death Watch was breaking into Jalen's house set Niner's rage on edge. How dare they? And how dare he? Even if Jalen cooperated, which he would not because he took client privacy very serious-, Niner had to stop himself. "He will not betray us except under duress."

"It may be too late already."

_I'd never forgive myself._ Niner didn't say that. "There will be no survivors," he said instead.

"I assume there is nothing I can do to change your mind or stop you?" There was a definite challenge in the Skirata's voice.

Shaking his head, Niner sighed. "I have to. I am sorry, Kal. I know it should not be like this but-" he took another deep breath. "I will be back."

"I know you will." To his surprise, Kal only nodded, a pained expression on his face. "I just wish you didn't go."

"I have to," Niner said.

"Taking anybody with you?"

"Bevin and Lance offered."

Kal nodded. "To be expected. They turned out fine in the short time."

That was something on which they could agree. Niner smiled. "They have a lot more to catch up on than us, Kal. But they do very well for themselves."

"You better take Mereel as well."

Niner blinked in surprise.

"He's used to urban environments, you won't find a better source of help. And," the was a brief hesitation, "just in case things do not go all as planned, there'd better be somebody left around who can handle the cure."

There were undercurrents in the words that Niner did not fathom. Instead he nodded. "I'll ask him."

"Good. We'll keep you updated on the schedule of the operation here so you don't barrage in."

And that was that. Niner got up, half dazed half certain he had missed something but relieved nevertheless. He did not have to decide. He would be back and pick up where he had left off the pieces of his life before he met Jalen. he would work it out. Somehow. Life went on.

"See? You did not shout at each other until the plaster fell from the walls." Bevin and Lace took up flanking positions as he went to the main room.

"No, we did not."

"Can I say 'I told you so'?", Bevin asked.

"If it makes you happy."

"Possibly not. When do we leave?"

"As soon as I told Darman and Atin." Niner was not sure how to break the news to his brothers.

"You do that, we tell, Mereel."

Niner watched them off. It could have been worse, he thought. It was not that he disliked the other Nulls but from an assumed civilian standpoint Mereel, being unnaturally likeable, was a good choice. Not to mention he liked Mereel, probably because of those skills. It was difficult to dislike a suicidal weisenheimer and annoying smart-arse like him. And he was indeed very good in urban surroundings. Niner hoped that was not a talent they'd have to draw on.

Dar and Atin seemed to take his decision better than Kal.

"Of course you got to go," Atin said.

"Where would we be if we didn't protect those we love," Dar added

There seemed to be understanding even though Niner hadn't said anything in so many words. But those were his brothers. He wondered what his reaction would have been in their place. Offered to accompany them despite Bevin, Lance and the upcoming operation to wipe clan Skirata from the Imperial radar for good. He hoped. He understood why they didn't though. They had both halves of their family to protect in one place.

"Say hi to Fi when he returns." Another of his brothers with his whole life centred around Mandalore. Why couldn't he have found somebody among the Mando'ade or at least somebody who could leave the life they had for the one ahead. At least now he knew what to look for. Niner didn't think he'd be looking for some time, though.

"Don't forget to come back for visits," Atin made an attempt at lightness.

"I don't think I will stay very long," Niner said quietly.

"Why not?" Atin asked. "From what you said, he's a splendid fellow with a great daughter."

"I lied to him and endangered his child," Niner murmured, his eyes on Dar.

In reply, Dar embraced him. " _Jatne'kara_ anyway, _ner vod_. You deserve it."

Niner returned the hug, compressing his lips tightly. He might be deserving of many things. Right now he could not see how _that_ would end up anywhere on the list though.

"You can make it work," Atin assured him, in his own bear hug. "You can make _anything_ work, Nin'ika."

It should have bolstered his confidence, but it did not. Because Niner knew there were some things that you could not make work, not on your own and there were no guarantees. He'd rather the pleasant surprise of Jalen not ripping his head and other important bits off than be disappointed because the other was rightfully angry at him.

+++++++++++++++++++++

Another conversation he was not keen on having but had no way around. Niner sighed as he punched in Jalen's comm code. The broad smile greeting him lifted his mood only for a moment. There was too much to follow.

"Niner my friend! T o what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Complications, I'm afraid."

"We always found our way around those, didn't we?"

Niner had to return the smile. It did not hurt as much as anticipated. "Did you receive inquiries about our cooperation?"

Jalen gave him a puzzled look. "Actually, I did. Why do you ask?"

"Tell them everything," Niner replied. "Do not ask anything in return. Just-"

"Niner, you know that is a breach of confidentiality," Jalen interrupted him. "I don't know-"

"That's the problem," Niner interrupted him right back. "You don't know. You can't and I really wish you'd never have to. But," he took a deep breath. "Look, just trust me on this, Jalen, okay? I'll explain everything when we arrive."

"We?"

"I'll bring some of my brothers."

"Finally," Jalen said. "Still I am worried now, more than curious and that worries me."

Niner tried to neither sigh nor dig his fingers into his eyes. "I am sorry, Jalen. Really. But right now all you can do is tell them what they want to know and wait for us. Please."

A smile tugged at Jalen's lips again. "You know you are irresistible when you say please?"

It wasn't a laughing matter. Niner really didn't want to respond to that. Though he did have to admit that his first thought had been not wanting to enlarge on that. It was hopeless. He didn't tell Jalen that he might be hearing that a lot more than expected when they arrived either. It was a close cut.

"This is very serious, Jalen," he said instead. "Do be careful and do as I say. Please."

"Alright, mystery man." Jalen shook his head to show his disapproval. "But I expect a full explanation."

"And you will get it." Niner managed a smile. "I promise."


	12. Chapter 8

_"So where are the brothers you promised?"_

_"Waiting in case you decide to take my head off."_

_Jalen wanted to object but Niner held up a hand. "I'm serious, Jalen. And it would be alright. And they would still protect you."_

_"Protect from what?" Jalen crossed his arms, looking Niner up and down. "You sound like a bad holo flick."_

_"I'm worse." Niner lowered his hands, feeling his shoulders slump. "You better sit down."_

_"That bad?" Reluctantly, the other returned to his desk more leaning on its edge than sitting down._

_"Yes and I'd hoped if you sat down it'd take you longer to get up and punch me in the face."_

_"No more dark hints, Niner."_

_The commando braced for the inevitable. "You already suspect I have not been quite honest with you. I have used your company to move a lot of things around and in doping so made sure a certain group of mercenaries were able to read a destination out of the movements."_

_Jalen only looked at him, obviously not getting where Niner was going with this._

_"The mercenaries in question are ruthless and I have no idea what they will do to get at the information they want."_

_"You told me to tell them everything," Jalen said. "I did."_

_Niner relaxed. "Good," he breathed. "Thank you."_

_"But you don't think they will leave it at that," Jalen volunteered._

_"I don't know," Niner admitted. "I am not willing to risk it."_

_"Then why did you?"_

_Niner took a deep breath. All answers to this were wrong. He'd give them anyway._

 

 

 

"Nice house," Mereel said, dropping into a seat next to Niner. "A bit of a bother to defend, but a few traps and some collateral damage and we'll be fine."

"Collateral?" Niner asked.

"Just on the house, vod'ika." Mereel grinned happily, redirecting it at the approaching waiter as he ordered. "What's the word on our misguided friends, then?" He glanced at Niner and Bevin.

"Somewhat inconclusive," Niner replied. "They certainly did have friends around to do some walking and talking for them. The calls seem to be done personally, though, with a certain amount of untraceable relaying."

"Where'd it go?" The word untraceable meant nothing to a Null ARC.

"Ordo said it went straight home."

"How very predictable." Mereel leant back on his chair, balancing it on its hind legs. "And what did it say?"

"That he was too cooperative," Niner sighed. He should have seen that one coming. "That they are sure he is hiding something. That he needs persuading."

"No worries, Niner, we'll deal with them." Bevin looked a Lance who just nodded.

"They won't send many for a civilian with that many pressure points." Mereel let the chair fall back into its intended position as his drink arrived.

"We'll just be there first and-"

"Not quite," Mereel interrupted him. "If we just bag the first batch, they'll just send more. We have to make sure they think they got what they want first."

Niner sighed again, his shoulder slumping. Somehow he was not thinking clear where their safety of the Tavers family was concerned.

"No worries, _vod_ , happens to the best," Mereel grinned. "It's the personal involvement that does it. Very tricky to shut off and work around."

Niner didn't ask how _he_ would know. He just nodded. "They will probably search the office first." Approaching this like just another mission was indeed hard. "And possibly the house if they believe they know where to look."

"Facing the culprit with incriminating evidence," Bevin nodded. "That way he cannot deny."

"But a clever man like Tavers wouldn't leave any obvious clues, would he?" Mereel was probably enjoying this too much. "But that is what we're here for."

"We just have to hope they send the information home before we kill them," Niner was not happy with the plan.

"If they think we caught them just a tad too late, they will. And there's always a way to make people believe they killed their target." Mereel smiled. "You can leave that to me."

"Right." It was painful to acknowledge that Jalen would rather talk to Mereel than him. But Niner could not blame him. It was likely difficult enough with all of them looking so similar. "Ordo will let us know what the replies says."

"Ain't it nice to know the enemy's intel before they do? Even if you don't tinker with it." Mereel dropped a few credit chips on the table. "Let's get cracking."

So they had been cracking but Jalen was less happy than ever before. Especially since he could not send Aileen away overnight.

"They'd just track her down and endanger everybody she's with instead," Mereel said. "It's better to keep them contained in one place where we can handle them all in one go."

"And you can promise that no harm will come to her?" Jalen eyed the Null ARC as if he'd actually have a chance in a fight.

"Of course," Mereel smiled.

Niner did not wince. Of course Mereel could promise anything he liked. He could break the promises just as easily. And if that was what bought Jalen's cooperation, he'd do it. _We are not nice people_ , Niner thought. _I don't think we ever were._

"Alright then." It was unclear whether Jalen believed Mereel or realised what a futile request it was.

"I'll explain everything to her, no worries. She'll be fine."

"You have worked with children before?"

To his credit, Mereel hesitated for a moment. "Yes," he said carefully. "You wouldn't believe what they can handle."

Jalen gave Niner a glance that let assume he knew too much of what Mereel was only indicating but didn't like it still. "And the rest of you?" There was a 'lot' trailing the sentence.

"Securing the area and getting into position for the pounce," Bevin said. "Making sure we don't break more than necessary."

"We will restore everything, of course." Niner could have bit his tongue, but it was too late. When Jalen's dark gaze came to rest on him it was not a nice feeling. Still, he held and did not turn his eyes away. He had been receiving his share of black looks, but Jalen was sure taking it to a whole new level.

Of course it had not mattered before. Jalen did matter. It complicated everything. For a split second Niner wondered if it had been worth it, but that was a most unworthy thought. It was not really up to him to decide that. In comparison he had come out of the encounter pretty unscathed.

He turned slowly, still unwilling to let the tall man out of his sight. Now that he knew he would have to leave soon, there just seemed to be too little time to look at Jalen and remember his features. It was a silly notion, Niner admitted, but one he had trouble fighting anyway.

"Niner!" The squeal broke his heart. He cast a glance at Jalen who shrugged in resignation. It was too late to keep Aileen away.

The clone had done his best avoiding the child without being obvious and Jalen had approved of that at least. Now he turned to the bouncing figure, casting the pain from his features. She deserved it even less than her father. "Aileen!"

"Where were you?" The accusation was accompanied by a firm shake of her head. Niner had seen that executed perfectly by Shaleea. On Aileen it was cute instead of intimidating.

"I was busy working."

Small hands took up position on slender hips. Niner found it difficult not to laugh. She was imitating adults quite well. It was not her fault, the effect was completely lost. "Then why is papa so angry with you?"

"Because I lied to him." Niner crouched down to be at eye-level with Aileen.

"A bad lie?" There was obviously a hierarchy to it.

"Yes, Aileen. A very, very bad lie."

"But you told him? In the end?"

Niner picked the meaning of that apart. "Yes, I did."

"Then it will be okay." There was hope in her voice. "He is always okay when you tell him."

Niner suppressed a snort. He doubted that Jalen felt any more friendly to him now than he had when he told him the truth. Some things were not meant to happen and thus not expected to be forgiveable. They could surely never be forgotten.

"Niner?" Aileen seemed to have worked around to another topic in his silence. "Did you lie to me too?"

"Yes, Aileen. I did."

Her eyes began to fill up. "About everything?"

"No." Niner dared to put a hand on her slim shoulder. "Not about the important things. You are very important to me. I love you, Aileen and I want you to be happy. You are not allowed to forget it."

Niner got up and indicated his companions. "This is Mereel and that is Bevin, my brothers. Mereel will have a long talk with you, your papa ans Shaleea. You must listen to him, okay?"

"What do you do?" It was obvious that the girl didn't like the idea of Mereel taking the place of Niner.

"They will join later," Jalen said. "You go tell Leea." He shooed the child away. Aileen glanced over her should a last time and was gone.

"Thank you," Niner said. The he turned to Mereel. "I'm afraid I will be unreliable in direct contact."

"I have it covered," the Null ARC grinned. "Don't you worry. There'll be enough work for all of us. And I mean all of us." He looked at Jalen. "Ready when you are."

"Let's get over with it then," Jalen said.

"No worries, Mereel followed him towards the kitchen. "Kyr'tsad have it all planned and we will just spoil their party a little. We'll be gone in a day."

"Good," Jalen replied bitterly. "The sooner the better."

Niner watched his retreating back until Bevin tugged at his elbow. "Come on, _vod_. We can't do anything here."

"Yeah." Niner followed his brother to prepare the house for the arrival of their visitors. No, he would not do any good in the direct protection of Jalen and Shaleea. His knee-jerk reactions to them being in danger spoke a clear language.

But as Mereel had said, there was enough work for all of them, and there were always enough enemies to kill. He would have preferred not having to do it in this civilian environment.

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Of course it was the kitchen. If given a choice, he'd always choose the kitchen. Kitchens were easy to clean. It was a comforting thought that the messiest civilian life got was preparing food. Niner sipped the sponge into the water saturated with detergents and disinfectants. Despite the amount of armour, the men had bled copiously. He hadn't wanted to cut the first one's throat.

Bloody water dripped into the sink as Niner wrung out the sponge, dipped it into the bucket again and kept scrubbing. Tiles. Tiles made all the difference. Wallpapers needed redoing. You just didn't get the spots out, especially not if they were white.

And they were white here, apart from the bits Aileen had decided looked better with amateur murals on them. It would have been a pity, no a crime, to redo the paper. Aileen was quite the artist. If you asked him anyway. Niner remembered how Jalen had told him that story and smiled as another patch of blood vanished from the floor.

Somehow everything in kitchens was easy to clean. The surfaces of cupboards, fridge, oven, the walls tiled or covered with dirt-repelling coating. Niner scrutinised the room. It looked almost like new. It had not before, but there was always a snag. Jalen would be able to live with it and Shaleea had not sounded too worried about it when they talked.

When they had still been talking. Niner dropped the sponge into the bucket. No use thinking about that. That, or Jalen sleeping in his room. _Look at him as he sleeps,_ a voice told him. _Remember before and just go. He deserves to be happy._ And Niner was not the man able to give that happiness. He had always known, even when he had been able to fool himself. When he had finished cleaning the utensils he had used he sat down at the foot of the stairs, burying his head in his hands. 

"You ready?" Bevin looked down at him. "Somebody's got to tell Tavers we're out of here," Niner said. And that someone would be him, even if nobody liked the idea very much. He would not leave Jalen without talking to him for one last time.

"Mereel said you'd say that." No judgement in the voice almost his. "We'll be at the spaceport. Mereel said he'd show us a nice little place for excellent food."

"Better make that take-away." Niner waved Bevin off in an attempt at lightness and wished he could feel as excited about some food joint or other. Mer'ika definitely knew his way around those.

"Ready whenever you are." That was Lance, crouching before him and laying a supportive hand on his shoulder. "You did good. We all did."

Niner nodded. It was not their prowess he had trouble acknowledging. They had taken out the complete delegation of Death Watch without as much a scratch deeper than their beskar'gam. The damage to house and property was minimal. The corpses were gone, the visible signs of combat cleaned away. Apart from a gap in the fence and a broken shelf in the living room. No, they had been doing their work admirably. No doubt. No doubt at all.

That didn't help any, though. Niner sighed. He had still betrayed the man he loved, not to mention his family, made them all targets in a war they had no stake in and only later decided to keep them safe. Not hero-material, not by a long stretch.

But this didn't need a hero. This just called for a man who did what needed doing. Niner picked himself up. It was kind of the others to allow him something resembling a farewell in private. Not that it would in any way resemble any farewell Niner would have liked. Disregarding the fact he didn't want to leave Jalen even now. There were wounds that needed healing and though Niner had to admit that he had caused them it irked him that he could not be instrumental in closing them again.

He found Jalen in the kitchen, looking around without actually seeing anything. He looked tired, drawn and exhausted in a way that made Niner wish he could offer more than a farewell. Food being on the top of that list and a good night's sleep curled up safely in his arms. The last being at least a little selfish.

Niner wondered how to get Jalen's attention. The man had made it very clear that he did not wish to addressed by his first name any longer. He couldn't bring himself to call him Tavers. Maybe 'excuse me' would be okay, but it would not work because he would not be excused. For a moment he considered just staying where he was and soaking up the image of the other.

Jalen had his head bent, looking at the floor under his feet. His neck curved gently down from the nape and the bright light made the small bumps of the vertebrae almost visible. Niner felt their memory on his fingertips more than he could see from the distance. Another memory rose from another night in which Jalen had leant against the sink. They might have been two different men from their posture.

Whatever you touch breaks, Niner thought unreasonably. One of his movements must have made a noise. Jalen looked up. His eyes took a long time to focus on Niner. The clone waited as long as it took. Any moment here was another moment savoured. "we're finished," he finally said. "There are minor repairs-"

"Which I will gladly pay for it it means you won't be back."

Niner nodded unsure what to say next. The urge to touch Jalen, not even his face, just touch him in general, anywhere, ascertain his existence, was overwhelming. Niner looked at his hand hovering in the air between them.

"Anyway." He pulled back the offending limb and began to fumble with his pockets. "Should further trouble come up, or anything really," he put a datacard onto the table. He didn't even try to put it into Jalen's hand, even if his eyes kept returning to the slender fingers. "We will be there."

"We? Or you?"

"I'll make sure it is we," Niner replied firmly. "You deserve better than this. You really do. And so does Aileen."

"So, what will you do now?"

"Go back, I guess." Niner had not thought that far ahead. "See what happens, make sure everybody keeps being safe. It's a big family, there's always something to do." He tried to smile.

"How," Jalen broke off but then went on. "How do you raise children on Mandalore?"

Niner hesitated. "Aileen would be old enough to tag along on missions, I guess. Not the fighting, but the logistics and such." The image of Aileen on a battlefield, brightly coloured bows bopping at the end of her braids, made Niner almost angry. "She deserves better."

"And you?"

"I know nothing else." Niner shrugged. "I have been fighting since I was two years old. What else is there for me?"

"Nothing, I guess," Jalen agreed. "Does that happen each time? You bring war with you where you go?"

"I'm afraid so," Niner said looking back on his short life. He was bred and trained for war. He was not sure who he was going to be without that. As Mandalorian, he did not have to worry about it though. That _should_ have been a comfort.

"Always on this scope?"

"Usually with more damage and," Niner hesitated for a moment, "collateral. This is minimal in comparison."

"You lied to me and endangered my daughter, my sister, not to mention me and our livelihood, and killed in my very own house." Jalen took a deep breath. "That is minimal in your book?"

Niner shrugged. In mere numbers it was tiny. He did not think quantifying the emotional impact was even possible. "I apologise. I will be leaving now."

"And what do you expect me to do, Niner?"

The clone took a cautious step backwards. "Live."

"That's it? Live?" Jalen threw his hands up. "That is  _all_ ?"

"Well," Niner hesitated. "It would be great if you did well and nice if you, well, if you were happy."

Jalen let his hands sink into his lap, never taking his eyes of the commando. "No forgive and forget? No nothing?"

"Oh, that." Niner let out a dry laugh. He had his face an inch before Jalen's  within a second . "If it was up to me, I would demand instant forgiveness, that we act as if nothing bad happened, that all is  and always has been dandy. And I would have you here and now and neither of us would be able to walk well tomorrow."

He stepped back to a safe distance again. "But I know who we are and what happened and I won't. I am in no position to make demands."

Jalen nodded, visibly shaken. "You are right. But I am." He took a deep breath. "Get out."

 

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 

Niner made it back to the ship on autopilot. He didn't have to say a word or actually do anything. The ship took off and he sat in the galley, staring at the tatty tabletop.

"Tell me when you need someone."

Niner had not expected an offer like that. Poignant and speaking of familiarity with the matter. Not that he was in any state to appreciate that. Mer'ika had to do with a curt nod for a reply. But if implied experience was there, he'd understand.

_You knew this was coming._

It didn't help. Of course he had known that. What was the point?

That he didn't get years of happiness. Just a few stolen days. Might even add up to a week. Maybe. And where was the proportionality in that? He wanted years. That was a part of the problem. Given a choice, given a feasible plan – he'd make it all the years he still had. Even if it was daunting with the new amount he could call his own.

_It was always but a dream._

But dreams could come true. He had seen it happen. It kept fucking happening. Why should his approach be doomed? He couldn't stop himself from being unfair to Dar, even. Poor Dar'ika with his dead wife and toddler. But he had a toddler and Etain was dead, not outraged beyond anything and just refusing to see Dar or talk to him.

_Just go back. Make him._

Niner buried his head in his hands. It was just too tempting. He was stronger, better trained. He had the means. He was a damned commando and nothing could stop a commando. But where would that leave him? How could you force anybody to forgive, to accept, to feel? It didn't work like that.

_If only it worked like that!_

There was likely any number of people out there willing to enter some kind of relationship with him. He just had to look at his brothers. If it worked liked that, he could just force himself. Because that was the only person he was entitled to force into anything. Even if that meant he'd lose Jalen?

It was still that easy smile preying him him. Not the stolen moments, sweet, sweaty, satisfying moments. Those meant nothing without the bright row of teeth shining in Jalen's features like the silver lining of the future days. The amount of sheer welcome and acceptance was priceless.

The prospect of not seeing it again left Niner's future as dark as the face he was missing, but without silver lining and the stars were dimmed because those eyes had blazed at him in fires of unadulterated rage and burned them all.

There was no forgiveness. Not outside _aliit_. Mando'ade could decide to live _cin vhetin,_ even Kal and Vau had managed that somehow. But for _arue_ _ti_ _ise_ the concept seemed to be foreign. And even in the clan there were things you didn't forgive. Endangering family was one. Look at Rede.

Yes, look at Rede, Niner thought. Look anywhere that Jalen has not been, where he did not leave a taste of his shadow, where his presence should not be missing because he had never been there. But it didn't work like that. Once you accepted somebody as a part of your life, you took them with you wherever you went. And there they lingered. He'd have to live with it somehow.


	13. Chapter 9

_"Niner?" The image flickered as uncertain and the voice._

_The clone tuned the frequencies, worry burrowing lines into his forehead. "Shaleea? Is everything alright? Do you need help? Is anybody in danger?"_

_He turned around, surprised to see Shaleea coming down the front stairs. He stopped, waiting patiently until she had caught up. The clone had no idea why she had come._

_"You won't be back?"_

_"No."_

_"You could change his mind. I know-"_

_"It would be wrong. The only person allowed to make up his mind is Jalen himself." Niner sighed. "He knows where to find me. You did."_

_"He might be too proud."_

_"It is his decision," Niner repeated. "Not mine. I made my choice Shaleea and I will stand by it."_

_"And what kind of decision is that?" Shaleea asked._

_"The only one I can make." Niner tried to smile._

_"Oh you have it easy," Shaleea grumbled. "You are not forced to live with a consistently sulking grump. Even Aileen has noticed."_

_"I am sorry if he is impossible, but you have more experience handling him in that mood than me. You'll think of something." He tried to think of something else he could say to encourage her. "He'll get around eventually."_

_"If only." She sighed "But it was nice talking to you again. Even if you're a bastard of a mercenary with no heart."_

_"That's no soul," Niner corrected softly. "I am unfortunately certain about the heart."_

_"I'll remember that. Talk to you later."_

_"Yeah." Niner stared at the black screen for a few minutes after the connection was severed. Then he looked at the chrono. Was it later already?_

 

 

 

"Niner!" The familiar squeal made Niner wince. He closed his eyes shorty before turning around.

"Aileen!" The child flung herself at him and would not relent until she ad secured a seat on his hip. It was a touchy situation and when Niner saw Jalen approach cautiously, he sent him a question with his face and free arm. Jalen did not seem to have an answer, though.

"What are you doing here?" The rounded brow was furrowed as Jalen held out his arms to Aileen. The girl refused to let go of Niner though.

"I," the clone began. "Shaleea asked me to meet her here," he admitted embarrassedly and managed to put Aileen down.

"Indeed." Jalen took his daughter by the and. "I'm afraid she won't come."

"Did any-" Niner didn't get further than that.

"No, she is fine," Jalen calmed him immediately. "But she also asked me to meet her here."

"Oh." Niner didn't know what to reply to that. "I'm sorry."

"So will she." A smile flitted over Jalen's face and Niner felt guilty about the sheer delight he felt seeing it.

"You don't have to," he offered.

"Oh you know Shaleea." There was no real bitterness in Jalen's tone. "I have to, Niner. Do I have to. Might as well get over with it." He followed the consistent tugging of Aileen who seemed to know exactly where they should be.

"Right." Niner fell into step beside him. Just walking next to the tall man felt good. Niner wished it wasn't so.

"Papa?" It was only party a question. The bigger half was clearly a demand.

Niner stared at the enclosed space. It seemed to be a shallow pool, only that it contained what seemed to be very light colourful spheres around typical playground items like a slide.

"Alright. But be sure to bring your own shoes back."

A closer look revealed that the playing children did indeed wear no shoes but only socks. "What is this?"

"Have you never seen a ballpit before, Niner?"

The clone was painfully aware of the 'my friend' that was missing and the half-breath of space occupying a silence where they might have been. "No." The construct did not look as if it had any impact on anything slightly military.

Jalen gave him an unreadable look. "Something you should amend someday."

Niner wondered briefly what it would be like, moving among the bright balls, but was distracted by the happy laughter of Aileen, showing how it was done. He smiled.

"She will be occupied for forever," Jalen's voice shone with similar indulgence. "I'll have hell getting her out later."

"I could go and get her," Niner offered without thinking.

To his surprise, Jalen laughed. "A sight worth seeing, I am sure. You could chase her around in there forever. If they even let you set foot inside."

Niner followed Jalen to a tapcafe wit a view on the playground. It seemed to be occupied mostly by other parents using the time out for a caf in peace. They sat down and ordered their drinks.

"Still lemonade, I see."

Niner shrugged. He didn't feel the need for sweet food or drink any longer, but he still liked it. Looking at his lifestyle there no immediate worry about his health either. "Why do you think Shaleea did this?" Niner changed the subject.

"She knows me to well." Jalen stirred his caf though he had added neither sugar nor milk. "Obviously she thinks I need to get something off my chest."

"Do you?" Niner studied the smooth features carefully.

There was no immediate answer. Jalen stared into his cup as if expecting to find the answer in there. "Did you miss me?" He asked finally, looking up.

"No." It took Niner some intense glaring of Jalen to realise he had only uttered the summary of his thoughts. "It's not 'did', it's not," he added softly.

"No it isn't, is it?" Jalen replied as softly. "Still sorry, though?"

Niner snorted. "I'll be sorry for the rest of forever, Jalen."

"Is that so."

Another silence ensued.

"How are you doing otherwise," Niner tried to fill the emptiness between them.

Jalen raised a shoulder. "Dealing. And you?"

"Getting on."

Like a third party to their conversation the silence returned.

"About everything?" Jalen asked suddenly.

Niner tried to backtrack the train of thought that lead to this question. "No," he ventured with a faint smile. "I just. I mean I should have, wanted to tell you sooner but I knew how you'd react."

"Ah?"

"Endangering Aileen."

"Yeah."

"Didn't want to let go of you, so I didn't say anything."

"Yeah."

Niner fell silent. It was nothing he hadn't said before. Admittedly, the last time Jalen had been close to throwing heavy object at him and take his face of with a knife or barring that, his teeth. That counted as improvement, he guessed.

"You never even asked for another chance."

"No."

"You don't deserve it."

"No. I do not."

There was a pause. "Aileen keeps asking for you."

Niner had no reply so he kept silent.

"What should I tell her?"

"If you ask me?" Niner tried to smile. It stuck somewhere between his compressed lips. "That I love her. That I miss her. That she will be alright." He didn't add 'eventually'. The word probably meant nothing to children her age.

"And I?" Jalen asked.

Niner took a deep breath. "The same. I guess."

"And that's it?"

"I promised." The words were difficult to get out.

"And you're a man of your word."

"If I can. Look," Niner didn't even know what to say. He just wanted this to be over fast. He had done his duty, kept his word and was too close to overstepping the agreed boundaries. He would not let it happen.

"At what?" Jalen took his face between those slender hands. "At what am I looking, Niner?"

"What kind of person would I be," Niner ground out, "crossing the lines we set up?" There was a long pause. Niner held on to his composure with all his will. It was hard to ignore the lips within reach of his own. It would be so easy. And wrong.

"Maybe one that actually loves me." Jalen let go.

Niner took a calming breath, closing his eyes. "No. No trespassing. No encroaching." He shook his head minimally. Then he reached out very slowly, giving the other man all time in the world to back away. He didn't and Niner curled his fingers gently around Jalen's neck. "It's not a matter of what I can take." Instead of pulling Jalen closer, he leant towards him.

 

"So what you're telling me is basically you'll stand here mooning and shaking but doing nothing until I give permission." Jalen slowly let his hand creep up along Niner's arm.

"Yes."

"I might just like that." An impish smile found its way onto Jalen's lips. "But I think I like other things better."

"I know you do." Niner returned the smile.

It was not pulling or being pulled. It was meeting in the middle with some issues to work out and maybe going for that a little too forcefully. But more than anything it was his second chance at life. And this time, Niner swore, he would not screw up.


End file.
